Usually, these pages are blessed with the latest top 10 lists by MPG, which are (we are told) supposed to be funny. MPG often takes the time in his top 10 lists to poke fun at himself, or Matt Brown and myself, which we find hilarious and disrespectful, respectively. The question we asked ourselves this month is why has there not been a top 10 things about MPG list? Good question…
10. MPG is Jacked
Now, I know what you’re thinking – there are a lot of jacked guys at law school. But unlike some that will take off their shirts at a Law Follies sketch after shedding weight for a week in a pathetic attempt to a) make someone else on the stage look fat and b) attract women, you won’t see MPG doing that. Under those khakis and perfectly pressed collared shirts, he’s an Adonis – but you have to get close to find out, ladies.
9. MPG is Principled
Coming from me, this doesn’t mean much. But if you’ve ever spent any time with MPG, you’ll know that he does not cheat, steal, lie or do anything remotely unethical. He’s never misleading, and will always tell you the truth as he sees it. So yes, he may be entirely in the wrong line of work, but he’s certainly someone you can count on to do the right thing.
8. MPG is Hard Working
Yes, again, coming from me, etc. etc. But seriously, who works harder than MPG? Who logs more hours at Bora’s head? The man has actually slept at the library several times. During exam period, he’s been known to eschew all human contact in order to maintain a perfect balance between lifting weights and cracking the books.
7. MPG is a Cunning Linguist
This is something I do know about. In 2 years, MPG has: travelled to Africa for debate championships; coached Baby Gale teams; been a Grand Mooter; and was recently on the wining Corporate/Securities moot team. The man is basically Mr. Moot (I sincerely hope this nickname catches on, as it is the lamest thing I have ever written/heard.) What it means is that he knows how to use his mouth. If you know what I mean.
6. MPG is an Athlete
MPG doesn’t just do dorky things like debating and mooting – he also displays his athletic prowess on several intramural teams. MPG was recently a member of the championship winning soccer team and next year, MPG will be captaining our soccer team in their cup defence. Yes, he may run funny, but he’s still a great asset to have on your side.
5. MPG has an Inquisitive Mind
Usually, when I’m not good at something, I just stop doing it. Ex girlfriends can attest to this. But when MPG doesn’t know how to do something (rare!), he learns. Prime example: earlier this year, MPG decided to start playing in my weekly poker games. Seeing as he had never picked up a pack of cards before, he was honestly the most god-awful poker player I’ve ever seen. If he had been party to the games they use to run at the North Burnaby Inn, he would have lost digits for some of the mistakes he made. But instead of packing it in, MPG read up on pot-odds and strategies, practiced his game, and eventually made his way to….2nd place. Which is respectable.
4. MPG is a Gentleman
When MPG wants to wine and dine a lady, he is most gentlemanly about it. He doesn’t just go tarps off in a ridiculous attempt to seduce. He wants learn about his lovers, enquiring into their desires and dreams, and tries to anticipate and meet their needs. In my opinion, he should just take his shirt off at the bar, but he is who he is.
3. MPG is a Serious Customer
Here’s a newsflash, kids: life isn’t one big joke. And those of you who walk around acting like it is should take a long hard look at MPG. MPG takes things seriously, because this is your life and career and you shouldn’t walk around saying what you want and doing stupid stuff and skipping class and generally acting like a fool, dammit. MPG is serious about his life, because you only live it once, and you better live it right!
2. MPG is Frugal
This sounds like a negative, which goes to show how twisted our minds are. MPG isn’t cheap; he just doesn’t blow money. He’ll still buy a buddy a beer, or take a girl to a nice restaurant. He won’t take you to a place that serves $18 cocktails, just to show off that he’s a regular. Quite frankly, men who do that are trying too hard.
1. MPG is Going to be More Successful than All of Us
In 15 years, where will you be? I will probably have burnt out and will be running a small surf shop in Tofino. The rest of you losers will probably have decided this “law thing” isn’t for you (just couldn’t cut it, couldya?) But if you stay in this game, it’s a good bet that MPG will be your boss, or at least way more successful than you. Why? Well, because of reasons 2-10 obviously – it’s called reading comprehension. If you didn’t pick up on that, it’s a good bet this lawyer thing really isn’t for you!
