Dear Dr. V,
I hit on everything in sight at pub night. This strategy isn’t working too well though – for some reason, girls like to be “the only one” in whom I’m interested. How do I maximize my odds of meeting someone while only chatting up one girl at a time?
Sincerely,
A Number Cruncher
Dear Number Cruncher,
The first thing you need to do is rule out whether “the only one” is a mere excuse. I can assure you that girls don’t mind being one of many if you look good enough. One jacked, handsome fella
with a penchant for kinky sex comes to mind, and I can assure you that ladies didn’t mind so much if they weren’t the first. I’m guessing you don’t fit into the category of beautiful alpha and as such you may need to pick one and give your best college try. btw, is it “university try” in Canada? I digress.
The next thing you need to figure out is whether you actually like a gal enough to focus your attention on only her. Women may not be so keen on being the focus of your attention only to be forgotten when you’ve been satisfied. Think of it as a bait-and-switch of sorts. If you’re just looking to crush ass then find the right girl and go buck wild. Honestly that’ll be way more fun than mopping up tears after the hard sell with a chica that deserves better. Just wrap that shit up.
The hardest part will be finding the partner in crime. Law school certainly has its fair share, but you have to look in the right places. 1Ls are obviously the worst place to look. We all know the first years still have such huge egos,
while knowing so little about what they are walking into, that you face a façade of respectability that doesn’t get shed until they realize a) they won’t get straight A’s and b) a shitty, self-righteous attitude is not an asset to your career. I’d say wait until they have their final marks for the year and/or have gone through ocis, but at that point they’re 2Ls.
The 2Ls can be a great deal of fun, but watch out during the fall semester. Those cats are wound tight, nearly on the verge of tears – a mere pfo letter from going postal. The tell-tale sign you are in the wrong place is when you hear another 2L bragging about their oci success. Invariably there will be someone near-by that is struggling through the process and if this person is your friend for the evening you’re dead in the water. Basically what I’m saying is if it isn’t winter yet, stick to the 3Ls…
If there is someone that you actually like, then you should know the drill at this point – be yourself, be generous, don’t be a Debby-downer, try and play it cool. If she isn’t interested, don’t piss and moan. You win some you lose some.
Good luck Amigo,
Dr. V
Dear Dr. V,
Whatever happened to Joseph Kony?
Regards,
Curious Jorge
Hola Curious,
To be honest I’m not really sure who the fuck that guy is. I remember the Kony 2012 video being around, but so many law students were bitching about the organization that made the video and what they did with their finances, that I decided I was better off not supporting them by watching that trash. So I don’t know. I hope he’s doing all right I guess…
Yours,
Dr. V
Dear Dr. V
Is it true that you can get drunk through your anus?
Best,
Fratty Flindstone
Hi Fratty,
Been listing to Rumours lately? What a great album. So in case you didn’t know, people have been saying since the 1970s that Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac destroyed her nose doing so much blow that she needed her roadies to feed it through a straw into her ass. The old “coke in the can” if you will (thanks for that Californication). I have little doubt that this technique would be fine for the yayo and other pharmaceuticals as doctors prescribe medicated suppositories all the time. But with Booze? I’m not sure. I’m not that kinda doctor.
I guess the first question is why? If you’re trying to eliminate your shitty morning breath, you certainly are bringing the fire to the furnace. Are you trying to cut down on calories or something? Just feeling a bit adventurous perhaps? There are probably better ways to take care of both of those, for example the lap-band (I’ve got a great guy for that, really cheap) or some latex-wear (I’ve got a great guy for that, really cheap).
The next question really deals with the logistics. Are you gonna funnel beers? Obviously you’ll need space back there if that’s the plan. Probably better served to stick to hard liquor. But while there may be less quantity, I’m guessing there will be more burn. Ohhhh. Maybe a shot of Tequila – salt that party first and then follow up with a lime? Yikes! And as alcohol is known to have drying properties, I would fear the early onset of regular hemorrhoids, or perhaps some cracking. Anal will certainly not be in the cards for you..
I don’t recommend this at all, but if you decided to give it a run, please do follow-up with your findings.
Godspeed,
Dr. V
