First year students in Section One rejoiced on Monday after 30 minutes of a 50 minute lecture were spent discussing Gunny McGunner’s personal views on homicide. Applause at the end of lecture could be heard around the school. “At first I thought, this will be a nice little break from lecture so I can check Facebook but it was so much more,” said one enthusiastic student. “It turned into a deeply convoluted discussion of personal experiences and unrelated legal topics, and I was hanging on every word,” remarked the same student.
Immediately following lecture, as expected, McGunner received 47 new friend requests on Facebook. Unfortunately, these were all ignored because, as McGunner put it, “I don’t have time for friends. I only use Facebook to post all of the recent Supreme Court decisions on the UofT Law Class of 2015 group, with my own personal commentary of course.”
McGunner, interviewed immediately following the morning lecture, said, “I’m glad everyone really appreciated my in-depth discussion with the professor. I know I could have talked to him about it during office hours or after class—and I will still do that too, of course—but I really wanted my fellow students to know my personal opinion. Isn’t that why we all came to law school?”
Asked about the rationale behind his constant hand-raising and loosely connected ramblings, McGunner replied thoughtfully, “I sometimes wonder if I should be raising my hand so much. I think to myself, maybe there’s a small chance not everyone read that eighth footnote on page 367, but then I realize that’s ridiculous. What else would they have done on Friday night?”
Intra Vires has obtained the notes taken by McGunner during the lecture in question and is pleased to report that they note every single thing that occurred—including coughs and anecdotes about the professor’s personal life. When asked about his court reporter note taking style, McGunner responded proudly, “When there’s a bonus question on the exam about the professor’s cat, others will regret not having taken complete notes.”
Following the lecture, students began calling McGunner by the nickname “Classhole”, a mixture of the words “class” and “asshole”—intended affectionately, of course. Students even high-fived each other, ecstatic that they had learned virtually nothing despite having woken up at 8am that morning to make it to class on time.
Even the professor was pleased by McGunner’s constant ramblings, “I love it when students pontificate about their views in class, it means
I don’t get through the lecture and have to cut topics at the end of the year.” The professor also commended McGunner on how transferable his participation skills would be upon graduation, “Being able to make no sense to anyone and really drag out a (billable) hour is one of the most
essential skills a lawyer can have.”
