We like to think of ourselves as mysterious, and you probably agree, because you have absolutely no idea who we are. We’re never on campus (except when there’s free food, but more on that later). We used to go here. We still do, technically, and we would be around more if Ashvin didn’t ask us “what we’re doing here” every time we come by.
We’re JD/MBAs, and this is our mba year. People often ask us “why do an additional degree that is super expensive and that has nothing to do with your legal career?” Beyond the obvious- extreme risk aversion ambition—there are tons of hidden, practical benefits to our combined program that we think all prospective applicants should keep in mind.
1 Gain an in-depth understanding of economics, particularly the laws of Supply and Demand.
We recently learned that when supply goes down, “quantity demanded” goes up. Real life application: did you know the male / female ratio at Rotman is roughly 77:23? After interviewing several new JD/MBAs, we selected the most intelligent comments on economic analysis for this article. One first year JD/MBA noted that attractive men can now be described as “perfect specimens of demand!” Says another female JD/MBAs (definitely not Emily), “This is irrelevant, I’m not desperate at all! I do have a funny story about that though… it’s not for this article…”
2 Realize that there is such thing as a free lunch.
Are you tired of pizza lunches? Have you ever wished U of T law had catered parties with cinnamon buns, breakfast sandwiches,
perfectly portioned salmon salads and full sized bags of candy? Look no further. Even when Rotman means to feed someone else, they’re
really feeding you.
3 Learn to play well with others.
You tell yourself you went to law school because of your unusually well-developed critical thinking skills, superior research ability, and love of argument, but think again. At Rotman, you’ll realize that you really went to law school because of your utterly inadequate social skills, definitely “justified” sense of superiority (insecurity) and inability to let anyone else have the final edit. Thankfully, in your mba you’ll learn the value of teamwork… by scrutinizing everyone else’s contributions to your projects and changing everything, immediately.
4 Learn to describe everyday occurrences in yet another type of incomprehensible jargon.
Many of the jokes you used to make at law school have internal validity but not external validity; this is to say that nobody outside of law school understands your super-funny “reasonable man” jokes. In data modelling class, you will learn that contamination between control and treatment groups will render your experiment useless; this is to say that a combination of law and MBA jokes made by the same individual will result in literally no one understanding your jokes.
Moreover, you’ll discover that everyday items can have new, exciting and career-relevant names that don’t mean anything to anyone. For example: there is no such thing as a “library” in the business world. If you need to research, you do it at the Business Information Centre.
5 You’re suddenly way, way funnier.
We’ve literally never been funny. In fact, before starting the MBA, people routinely informed us that we are distinctly unfunny and should stop trying to be because we’re too awkward and embarrassingly un–self aware. However, after just three weeks of MBA with colleagues whose work experience wiped out their sense of humour to make room for something called “real life skills”, we’re newly convinced we’re as hilarious, witty and awesome as we always knew we were. “People like my Facebook statuses, and only half are family members!” says one completely anonymous female JD/MBA who at law school was chronically starved for attention. Another unfunny law student received this Facebook wall post regarding her infallible wit: “Lol (insert her joke)… I’m stealing that line, wow ahahaha.” She has been repeating this undoubtedly hilarious joke ever since, and it keeps getting funnier.
6 Learn how to network, but remember that you only actually have 5 friends. Probably less.
During orientation week, we learned the value of mapping our social networks to maximize the utility of our acquaintances (did you see that jargon, there?). We also learned that if you want to be successful you do not have time for more than five friends. Since you probably want to be successful too, after we visit our career coaches, we promise to let you know how to maximize the closeness of your non-friend relationships in the most efficient way possible before alienating your five remaining real friends because you haven’t left the Business Information Centre
in days. And because you keep calling it the Business Information Centre.
7 Suits! Everywhere!
Sexy sexy.
8 Adult lockers
Full sized. Sexy suit sized, to be more specific. And all. Yours.
9 You can get As again!!
Before you call us arrogant and presumptuous, let us explain—the grading system at Rotman does for your own conception of your intelligence what vanity sizing does for your perception of your butt. About 40% of MBAs get an A- or higher, and the lowest mark you can possibly get is a B-. No, really. That’s one notch above a failure. And The Star thought our new grading system was relaxed…
