Dear Dr V,
I don’t have a date for the law ball and the prospects are not good. Is it legit to fly solo?…Or do you know the number of a dec escort service?
– SWM
Dear SWM,
Don’t bring sand to the beach. And by that I mean, why hire an escort when the hiring rates are so terrible? You’ll be surrounded by escorts in the early stages of their careers at law ball. It’s perfect! And much like real hookers, these unemployed 2Ls will be crying like they have daddy-issues once they’re approaching blotto.
It is however totally legit to roll stag. There will be several gents doing so. Just stay humble and be cool.
Be good,
– Dr. V
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Dear Dr. V,
I hit up Cancun over reading week and hooked up with my soul mate. Problem is, she goes to Osgoode. In Mehico, it seemed like we could overcome anything. Will the real world tear us apart?
– Law school Romeo
Dear Romeo,
I wouldn’t sweat it. The thing about Osgoode students is they are used to getting boned. I mean the rejection notices from U of T and McGill was the first taste of taking the big deacon. Then came OCIs. What a brutal showing. I gotta tell you Romeo, your Juliet has probably got a callused ass at this point. There isn’t much else that’s gonna tear that shit apart.
Although, if your star-crossed lover received an articling position, chances are she’ll be making the same salary as you, but with less debt. Hell it isn’t like anyone is gonna be patting you on the back for going to U of T anyhow. Shit ain’t Harvard. Maybe a Michigan, or Boalt at best, but seriously, nothing to brag over.
So you’ve found a chica you’re into who is making equal coin with less expenditures…not seeing the bad side. Just make sure you let her know that the life you lead is post-feminism and you’ll be going Dutch going forward. You’d be a fool to pay for everything when she is in a financially superior position. Or at least that’s what Jiffin told me to say.
Vaya con Dios Romeo,
– Dr. V
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Dear Dr. V,
I have a crush on my professor. He has office hours next week. Dare I?
– Law Groupie
Dear Groupie,
Is a skeleton’s ass skinny? Hell yeah. Get in there and swing! I’m just curious which teacher, because different teachers will call for different approaches. Like CENSORED or CENSORED may require some classic humour followed by a sexy rendition of “How much is that doggy in the window”. Just bring some smelling salts and a defibrillator along your normal kit of rubbers and Astroglide.
I’m not sure about too many of the other teachers however. Take CENSORED for instance. While I’ve never talked to him, based on the way he dresses I’d say put on Goth clothing with heavy black eye-liner and black painted finger nails. Give him an original Joy Division record, and lay out some lines of blow near the top of your thigh-high leather boots. Something tells me he’ll continue to go north once he goes off the rail.
Or CENSORED. He has a brilliant mind and his mouth moves a mile a minute. Sounds like an afternoon of Penthouse Forum and going down. And if you’ve ever had him in class you’d know he is very encouraging. So I’d bet dollars to doughnuts, he’s an incredibly compassionate lover. I bet he has a huge dicta.
I’m not sure which teacher you have in mind, but if Alarie is in your cross-hairs worry not. Considering that he wanted to make Admin law a year-long class while cutting Contracts to a single semester, he clearly has no problem fucking students.
Happy hunting,
– Dr. V
