For this fashion file, I’ve teamed up with special guest writer Jacquie Richards to put the sexy back in “two straight weeks of sitting in a cubicle staring at nonsensical summaries written last September and eating value packs of gummy tarantulas from Shoppers Drug Mart”. If you think there is no “sexy” in that, you probably haven’t been studying hard enough, and you are probably going to fail Contracts. That’s how it works.
When dressing up for your April exams, we like to remember what Gandhi or Andy Warhol or Marylin Monroe (I always mix up my undergraduate dorm room posters) used to say— studying doesn’t count unless other people see you doing it, and looking good while studying is like, 65% of what you need to do to get A’s. What’s more, April exam season is a wonderful time of year where the standard of style excellence in Bora Bora babeland is um, slightly lower.
Translation— you will be the most stylish person in the library if you’re wearing actual pants.
Right, so, here are some recommended items for the season of Netflix… I mean… um… you know… studying.
Glorified slippers
Yeah, fake Uggs are a little bit five years ago (or, you know, never), but during exams, you can and probably should get away with wearing glorious mauve faux suede Snuggies for your toes. 20 dolla’ in your pocket and a swagger signaling confidence (or heavy treatises that you definitely need*), and you can be the successful owner of some outrageously Jiffin friendly “Ostrich” (one of the premium EMU knock of brands, probably) booties from Winners that will have your feet, passersby and your Scotia credit line singing for joy.
If mock suede isn’t your thing (so many dead polyesters), you can also successfully make like an adorably swathed abominable snow monster in any or all of wool socks, Sorrell boots or ballet flats with socks that don’t match. Jacquie is fond of waking up from naps and going straight to the library in sneakers that it looks like she had on from the gym, which she totally has time for during exams because she’s THAT. PUT. TOGETHER.
*you don’t need them
An actual Snuggie
No justification necessary… (?) [Note from Emilie: this is where Jacquie and I differ in opinion. If you want to look like the member of some strange robed cult (or Massey collage), please do it in the confines of your own house. I get too jumpy during exams to handle random robed library patrons gliding through the stacks like the ghosts of exams past at 11:10pm]
Plastic hair clips
Nothing says soccer mom exam chic like a 54 cent hair clip from that beauty discount place on Yonge Street that also conveniently sells nonperishable food items which you’ve probably started eating recently and deodorant, which you probably need.
We’re serious. Hours of successful studying requires minimized interferences, and your smelly hair is a distraction to both your learning and your status as a functional human being exam period style icon. Your priorities can get back in line with these awesome clips because they both keep your matted hair out of your eyes (showing your beautiful face!) and never pull on your temples to add to your stress headaches. What’s more, they clip snuggly to your purse handle for easy access when you can’t see straight, and all the cool girls in middle school had them in AT LEAST a hundred different colors. So, in some small way, this hair clip will make you the cool middle school girl you always hoped to be.
…Priorities.
Ear plugs
If a little bit of emotional unavailability is a little bit sexy, then literally tuning everyone out completely with an expandable neon orange set of ear plugs so you can focus on procedural fairness is probably the hottest thing imaginable.
Super stretchy non pant pants
Leggings are not pants. As such, generally speaking, wearing leggings with the impression that they are in fact pants is a bad, unflattering and partially see through idea. However, during exams, the rules change. It isn’t that leggings become pants, exactly (they don’t), but pants themselves shift from being a necessity to an accomplishment. Leggings, in turn, which are a sort of a hybrid between no pants and full pants, become a small, manageable kind of bottomwear achievement. A for effort. You go, Glen Coco.
Flannel plaid button ups
This hipster chic stable feels like being wrapped in an awesome lumberjack blanket that looks SUPER AWESOME while also disguising food stains, weight gain and the crumpled remains of the Administrative law treatise pages you surreptitiously stole with a distracting, slimming, checkered pattern. Just stand up, shake the crumbs and guilt from your chest and strut to the bathroom in style.
Mega Sweatpants
Sweatpants are an exam period staple that, like the hot dogs from that cart outside you keep eating for dinner or your weird newfound love for a version of the Pomodoro method that only makes you work for 6 minutes at a stretch before sitting back and Youtubing videos of Taylor Swift “goat edition”, screams “I give up”.
We think that’s ok. No! Further! We think that kind of blasé “over it” attitude screams exam period cool. In April, your careful diet of weird sandwiches from Grounds Of Appeal and family sized bags of chocolate covered espresso beans are 100% necessary if arguably not healthy**, but we see this snacking as a great opportunity to rock more body synching elastic waistbands and figure flattering Hanes jersey cotton with a soft fleecy interior. When a Securities exam seems hopeless, a soul saving donut here or there need not cramp your style. An extra couple pounds that can be easily concealed beneath voluminous, sexy layers of thick Terry cloth are just a great way to show you’re getting into the spirit of the “too cool for showers” season.
I mean, since we’re on this topic, why are we getting dressed during exam period at all? not just wear a bathrobe all the time? Right? AmIright?
**The Law Society of Upper Canada reminds us that we’re not doctors
At least 3 good luck charms tied to various body parts
Whatever God you pray to (Jacquie prays to the god of definitely necessary and not at all first world Facebook status updates), your confidence, and in turn your stylishness, will be greatly increased during exam periods if you believe that someone or something on high is improving your chances of success. It will be improved even further if this belief can manifest itself in awesome jewelry, talismans or lucky bags of Cheetos.
Emilie is lucky— she has an aunt who worries for her soul enough to guarantee she’ll get at least two religious medals at Easter, just in time for exam season! Twenty two plane rides, eleven countries, two LSATS and twelve law school exams later, she still have all her limbs and soul [we think…]. What’s more, she still has her style.
Jacquie, with no such necklace, frequently finds herself soulless, tripping over things and arguably pantless. Don’t make this elementary mistake.
Gentleman:
Try to shave. Just… try. Please? That’s all we ask.
