The people have spoken and I guess it is high time I accept that I will never be the James Dean of law school. Clearly I’m way too popular. And we don’t exactly resemble one another, as we all know that my celebrity doppelgangers are really Dog the Bounty Hunter and the lead singer of Collective Soul (give it the goog…you’ll see). Am I happy about it? No – it’s a cryin’ shame! But I’m not happy about a lot of things, save maybe watching my orchids grow, pondering who would win in a fight between Gamera and Godzilla, spending quality time with my couch and my SNES, and pie in general. Speaking of which…
- Don’t ever order pie and a Caesar at the same time. Unlike the sweet and savoury bliss that is a french fries and Wendy’s frosty pairing, these two things together are just not cricket.
- The show House is a lot like the show Antiques Roadshow. They are both edge-of-your-seat, riveting nail biters that always keep you guessing. What twist will we see along the way? Is the new varnish around the base going to affect the value? What rare disease did she contract from the pet cockatoo she ordered from Borneo? See? It’s the same thing, really. (This of course is not a real example – interestingly, despite their presence in nearby Palawan and Sulawesi, there are no cockatoo species found in Borneo. Go figure.)
- Deep-fried kraft singles. You heard it here first. No one will forget this day.
- Ladies, how do we feel about Warner Huntington III? Love-hate, right? The blonde law student in me hates him for thinking I’m not marriage material, but the blonde pro-surfer wannabe in me really wants to wear his aftershave…and eat some waffles on his dime.
- Also for the ladies, here is a pearl of wisdom: when someone condescendingly calls you hun, before you fly off the handle, simply tell them you’re not a hun but a Visigoth! Soon you’ll find yourself in a lively conversation about Gothic and Vandal warfare and, as the saying goes, all’s well that ends well.
- I’m going to get serious for a second y’all. I was listening to Stevie Nicks talk about John Lennon’s death on her Edge of Seventeen commentary one day when I heard her say: “whether you were a rock star or a lawyer, everybody was devastated.” I imagine it was devastating – almost as devastating as finding out that Stevie Nicks thinks our future profession is at the opposite end of the career spectrum from a rock star. Next, she’ll say something even more absurd, like Galen Weston Jr. isn’t a rock star! And I just won’t stand for that. Don’t force my hand, Ms. Nicks.
- People use the expression ‘no offence’ too liberally. I was once asked “No offence, but can I borrow your pencil?” I don’t know why, but I was offended.
- I don’t understand how all these studies say that eating many meals a day helps you to lose weight. I’ve noticed no results when everyday I have breakfast, brunch, elevensies, lunch, supper, tea and dinner (and by that, I mean I eat a lot of popcorn).
- It is kind of gross that in the Vache Qui Rit commercial, there is a cow eating a triangle of Vache Qui Rit, right?
- While watching the law faculty’s male population strut around school in high heels on Walk a Day in Her Shoes, I got to thinking about the entertainment value of cross-dressing. Think about your favourite movies and you’ll see that plenty of cross-dressing themed films make the list. For me, Some Like It Hot, Tootsie, the Bird Cage, and Mrs. Doubtfire, are right up there. And of course, far above the rest, the critically acclaimed White Chicks and Juwanna Mann!
Well, it’s time to boogie. After all, there is nothing like retiring from a career in thoughtful thinking on as high a note as a Juwanna Man endorsement. Thanks for putting up with my non sequitur train of thoughts these past few months. I should probably take a moment to get sentimental like the end of a John Hughes film, but I have bigger fish to fry. See you never, law school!
