Aries
Your sign is associated with dynamic change, movement, and great vitality. This means either that you’re going to participate vigorously in some sort of aggressive protest, or that you’re going to be joining the innertube waterpolo team.
Either way, get a concussion-proof helmet.
Taurus
You will meet a short legged man with a packed lunch at Bora’s head who will tell you something surprising. Choose now to act on what he says— sitting on your haunches and weighing your options will only waste valuable nap time and result in you getting a head cold during April exams.
Which honestly might happen anyway. Causation is confusing.
Gemini
Geminis are apparently intellectually inclined (unlike everyone else who attends law school). Your ability to effortlessly see both sides of an issue will be remarkably useful during April law exams. In fact, you should probably just start writing our exams, given the marks we see in your future. Give us a call?
Cancer
Since Law Ball ended, you’ve been feeling a profound lack of sense of purpose, anxiety and even a bit of boredom. Your exams seem meaningless and wildly different from practice, your tuition feels weirdly excessive and your “Grounds of Appeal” sandwiches are looking kind of gray and terrible… wait, that might just be the sandwich. The lesson here is obviously to remember that thing we all used to talk about in undergrad when we were, uh, hanging out, where we wondered whether everyone saw colours the same way or whether it’s all in our heads and we’re just living in a giant Matrix and…and…
What I’m trying to say is that attitude matters, and it’s possible* that Administrative Law is a lot more interesting than you’re giving it credit for. Either way, summer is getting close. Cheer up, buttercup.
*maybe
Leo
…Elias: you have a future in tax law and will likely find yourself in the computer lab this week.
Virgo
Your sign is supposedly analytical, reliable, precise and observant, kind of like the scary Lannister dad from Game of Thrones. This month will bring you great riches, great TV and, realistically, probably dragons. Unrelated note, did you know that Game of Thrones will be back on in like, two weeks?
Libra
You should become a judge. What else do you do with a legal background and a star sign that portrays the scales of justice?
Scorpio
Bora Cubicle,
Even with ground still frozen,
With it you keep warm.
Sagittarius
This star sign is associated with the planet Jupiter – i.e., you’re full of hot air. This will be completely shocking to you, but thoroughly unsurprising to anyone who knows you from outside school, because you’re a law student at U of T who can’t stop talking about how your 174 wasn’t enough, you’re too good for your boyfriend, and who on earth are these idiot editors to tell you that you’re full of hot air, anyway?
Capricorn
A major social engagement you had planned for this weekend is going to fall through, but you’re totally fine with this because social engagements rarely involve winners and losers, so they’re f*cking pointless and a waste of your f*cking Capricorn time. Take some of that carefully saved up time this weekend at exactly 6:30 pm to watch some figure skating, and you’ll get lucky on April 6th. Really, really lucky. Which you don’t care about either. You don’t believe in luck.
Aquarius
You will see a beautiful woman who has the potential to be the love of your life in Queen’s Park, somewhere amidst the snow that still plagues us into the end of March. You should ignore her and carry on studying Contracts, because she poses a serious threat to your goal of being the first law student to get 7 HHs. Study on.
Pisces
This month, expect classmates to attempt to take advantage of your star-crossed generosity and anal retentiveness at once by trying to “borrow” your perfectly sorted, tabbed notes. Crumple them up and build a pyramid in BLH instead, then burn it in effigy. A knowledge pyramid. Cool, huh?
