It’s that time of the year again – time to dive into the Scotiabank coffers and bury ourselves in another heap of lovely law school debt! This year the bill for first-year students comes in at $28,791.
But just how much money IS that? To help illustrate just how much you’re shelling out to sit in a library on a Friday night writing about statute reform, consider the following list of 10 things you could have spent your tuition money on instead:
- A 4-stroke, 1,498cc Kawasaki Jet Ski, a Honda V-4 paddle-shift top-of-the-line sport motorcycle, a Danier Leather Bomber Jacket and a sexy pair of aviators to complete your free-spirited image.
- A professional hour-long hot stone massage every week for 6 years (it can get stressful not having billable hours targets to look forward to.)
- 484,280 Cadbury Mini Eggs. The resulting mountain of chocolaty deliciousness would weigh more than an adult male hippopotamus! Feel like budgeting out your riches? Well you’d have 2017 eggs for each day of the school year including weekends and holidays.
- A stack of nickels twice the height of the CN Tower. OK, you’d still be 93 meters short of being truly double the height, but the ancillary fees and textbook costs would more than cover that. If you could still get your hands on that much cash in pennies you could get most of the way up Mount Kilimanjaro!
- Remember back in high school when you worked minimum wage to save money for school? Well you could go back in time and hire yourself for 8 hours a day for 464 days straight (note that is calculated using Ontario’s minimum wage – it would vary by province.)
- 57 Alpacas from Hidden Hollow Alpacas. If you buy females they’ll even knock ‘em up for you FREE! Plus aren’t Alpacas adorable?!
- Enough Henry of Pelham Riesling (quickest way to my heart ladies) to fill three and a half standard 5x8ft bathtubs (that’s buying by the bottle folks – no specials). If three and a half bathtubs of wine doesn’t sound appealing to you 1Ls right now, just wait until you get to April exams!
- 30 seven-day, 2-person, all-inclusive vacations to Los Cabos (airfare and 4-star hotel included.)
- The phrase “I LOVE LORD DENNING” skywritten above the capitals of every province and territory from BC to Quebec.
- Ethem von der Salztalblick – a fully-grown, professionally trained German Shepherd protection dog. The prize of the Kraftwerk K9 guard dog facility. High performance bloodline, 90-90 protection scores and elite Schutzhund training.
Plus fun doggie accessories including:
- Char-dog-nay doggie wine from Yappy Hour Vineyards
- Elegant “Baby Cakes” rhinestone t-shirt from “Bitch New York” luxury canine retailer
- Silk and taupe sateen dog bed with goose down cushions, embroidered ivory silk side and foot boards, and crystal banding around the edges
- Osmanthus-scented Les Pooches VIP dog Parfum [4oz.] – harvested from the petals of the rare Osmanthus flower (so rare it can only be harvested once every 2 years)
- And because I can’t think of anything else to spend all this money on, 5,000 gourmet, organic, peanut butter and oat double dipped walnut sprinkled dog treats!
