Hi Rob, Flavelle LLP here. Would you like to come in for an interview Monday?
Great, 10am it is. We would also like to offer you a dinner. Can you make it for a meal on Monday night?
Listen, I have more than enough to eat at home, thank you very much.
Tell me about yourself.
I could tell you I’m a guy from Etobicoke, former Don Bosco football coach, Leafs die-hard, but I was told to be real specific and focus on a few key skills. So first up, I have great attention to detail. People say I lied about having ever used crack cocaine, I tell them listen brother, you were asking the wrong questions. I said I wasn’t an addict of crack cocaine. You show me a candidate who is gonna be that precise with language, okay brother?
Second, the press jumps down my neck for drunk outbursts after I said I wouldn’t have another drunken outburst in 2006. Joke is on the liberal illuminati, because turns out if you look closely I said I would never have another drunken outburst at the ACC and brother, I have not! I’m saying brother, you apply this to some very careful contract drafting and we are in business brother, you never seen a guy with so much attention to f**king detail.
What is a time you failed?
You know, I’m going to be really honest with you, Lindsay. I failed at “Cut the Waist.” I set out to lose 50 pounds, and at one point I was almost there at 22 pounds down, but at the end of the day I failed at cutting my personal gravy train.
Okay, great. So what did you learn from that?
I am a sick mother**ker, dude.
What is a time that you rose to a challenge?
I’ll tell you I’m not afraid. I’ll fight him. No holds barred, brother. He dies, or I die, brother. Brother, you’ve never seen me f**king go. You think so, brother? But when he’s down, I’ll rip his f**king throat out. I will poke his eyes out. I will, I’ll make sure that mother**ker’s dead.
Tell me something that’s not on your resume?
Listen Joan, I appreciate that question I do. The thing not on my resume I guess a lot of people know now, and I want you to know, I was saving it for today but those rats got it out of me first. I have used crack cocaine. I think this is a specific instance of something concrete that demonstrates a number of important things about my character and I will list ‘em off right here and now.
First thing is I’m curious. I’m a typa guy, I’m open to different experiences and I’m looking for ‘em and when I see those experiences I will take them on. Second thing, off the top, not afraid of a challenge. People have been saying for decades that people who use crack cocaine can’t function at a high level and brother here I am, mayor of the greatest city in the world, slashing taxes by the tens and hundreds, a crack user. They said it couldn’t be done Joan and by god I f**kin’ did it, the highest functioning damn crack user in all of Southern Ontario.