Point:
By Emilie Lahaie (3L)
Now, before you roll your eyes and throw your hands up in disgust at the mushy point you assume is coming, hear me out. My relationship just passed the two-year point (and my bf is no longer quarterback of the law school football team), thus my writing is less clouded by extreme amounts of serotonin and dopamine. However, even without the chemical fireworks of a new relationship, Love wins over mooting any day of the week.
To put it bluntly, a moot is basically a terrible one night stand, but without the good part. You show up for a 15-minute rush that ends with you sadly walking home alone in your nice clothes, heels clutched in hand. In those 15 minutes strangers successfully exposed your soul, and now you feel naked and confused. You rerun your performance over and over in your mind… did you get that point on section 2(a) quite right? Will they call you for another round? If you had an “on” day and these strangers took a liking to you, you might be lucky enough to win… THAT time. But lets face it, there’s always another round. If you had an off day and your performance wasn’t quite up to snuff, TOO BAD! That summer you spent at DLS representing real clients at 1000 Finch? DOESN’T MATTER. Just like some shady guy at the Madison (or girl, I’d be the first to admit we can be as shady as the best of them), these judges only care about themselves right now. They don’t know you and they don’t WANT to know you! We all know real world litigation is very VERY rarely like a moot. Sure, it’s another notch on your resume, but was it worth falling six weeks behind in all your classes?
Unlike mooting, love is the real deal. I’m not just talking the romantic kind. Platonic love, familial love, friendship – all are just as important. Mooting is a fantasyland. Does mooting listen to you after you’ve had a bad day at work? Will mooting drive you to the hospital because you cut your thumb trying to chop carrots for dinner? I can say, with 100% certainty, that no, mooting will NOT be driving you to the emergency room… or anywhere for that matter (other than to drink/tears).
Final point: Britney Spear’s musical career: “Baby, one more time” v “Work Bitch”? No contest.
Counterpoint:
By Robbie Mac
There is a tradition in a number of European cities whereby couples lock a padlock (‘love lock’) to a bridge and then throw the key into the river, symbolizing their neverending commitment to one another. When I first took a tour around Paris, the guide pointed to a few keyless combination locks hidden amongst the thousands of rusty metal padlocks: ‘that’s what the real players do,’ he said with a grin. Gotta appreciate that oh-so-French mixture of romance and pessimistic pragmatism!!
Mooting is the combination lock of your romantic and professional life. It prepares you for important challenges without a real person winding up in jail or a corporation losing millions of dollars. Consider a hypothetical. Your girlfriend is yelling at you for not being as handsome, smart, cool, generous or [insert any positive attribute] as Brenden Stevens. What do you do? The same thing you do in response to every judge’s interrogation, no matter how profound or maddeningly off-topic. You take a deep breath, sip your glass of water, compliment her on her thoughtful observation, and then recite the response you scripted out in anticipation of this exact problem.
Another hypothetical. You are Peyton Manning. You just set the single season records for touchdowns and total passing yards, soundly outplayed the one quarterback from your generation whose accomplishments rival your own, and are set to win another Superbowl… that has nothing to do with this article, but how great was it being Peyton Manning?
Look – and this is as honest and direct as I can be writing a satirical column in a law school newspaper – you will love and be loved when the rest of your life is going well. There is a myth that dating a hottie will save you from whatever other horrible shit is going on in the mess that is your life. Some football quarterback – even one as prone to injury as Emilie’s boyfriend – will come along and make your problems go away. That will never happen.
Preparing for a moot might not be as fun as levelling-up your character on Elder Scrolls III –almost nothing is – but it might help you get the rest of your life in order. If you are interested in litigation, doing a moot can help you figure out if that work is something you actually enjoy and are good at. Figuring that out is what is going to impress someone awesome (along with abs like Jacob Stall, Kelly O’s fashion sense or a reputation for putting out really easily… so pick one).
Emilie has a hilarious take on mooting (and on one night stands… but I can’t think of any newspaper-appropriate jokes about that). Let me offer another analogy. Mooting is your first girlfriend/boyfriend. Yes, she is probably nothing like the girl you end up with. Yes, he takes a lot of your time and occasionally crushes your ego. But you learn lots of things, in a relatively harmless environment, that you should have figured out on your own by now (‘wait, when a t-shirt is covered with stains and moth holes, it is no longer acceptable to wear??’ – me c. 2005).
Who knows, maybe you even meet your romantic partner through mooting. The hottest fires make the strongest steel, and moots can get pretty intense rushing to write a factum for the first time. It worked for Mike Ross and Rachel Zane on Suits, and we all know that show faithfully represents the reality of legal practice.
