Point- 1Ls are Best
Aron Nimani (1L)
Go ahead, say what you will about the 1Ls. Seriously. We love to hear it, because you’re going to say the 1L class is the best. We know because you say it all the time. See this quote from countless upper years: “The 1Ls are the best class in the last 3 years.” (Those were the words, Ben. Your memory is just going in your old age, along with your McGill Guide citation skills).
In response to Marita’s segment, consider this Haiku from one J. Stone. No, that’s too obvious. Let’s call him “Jordan S.”
Ode to 1L class
With merit, we all shall pass
And, with class, kick ass
We understand you can’t always compete with a newer model, but what makes us so much better?
People know us. Pub night? Dominated by 1Ls. Law games? All over it. Law ball? There in droves. Intramurals are practically half 1L, and we’re only a third of the class. We go hard.
Do you know a 1L? You probably know 70. I’m sure you’ve seen Pat Chapman leading the pub nights (that’s leadership!) and you don’t have classes with us. How many 2Ls do you even know? (And I’m looking at you, 2Ls).
Maybe that’s unfair, 2Ls know they’re cliquey and boring. What about 3Ls? Sure, Ben’s a funny guy, but if you have to run Follies, start a Promise Auction, or be Robbie Santia for anyone to know your name, you’re working from an immeasurable deficit.
And 4Ls? Other than Louis outing himself to write for his class, do 4Ls ever come out of hiding? If you look carefully, you can spot them colouring outside the lines and misspelling words on the lounge cork board, but they don’t make an impact.
Don’t get me wrong, of course upper years are wonderful people. I mean, they’re great. Probably. Maybe. Who can say for sure? Even the upper years don’t know most of their classmates. The 1Ls? We’re always there in numbers.
We don’t hold a grudge. You miss your building? You were told your structure is changing? No more good old days? That’s tough, unless you’re a 3 or 4L, wallowing in the satisfaction of having the cheapest tuition and your own building, mistakenly crediting personal attributes and not just the luck of earlier admission years. We didn’t even get the good old days, won’t see the good new days, and still have Admin. But far from anxiety we face it with resilience and solidarity. We’re a team, even with the upper years, and we’ll still sweat with you through the cardio workout of the Vic stairwell and chat with you in the Reading Room. Never mind the furnace we have to enter to visit our lockers (without a faculty-mandated buddy, thank you), we’re in the trenches with you! But make no mistake, we are going to come out on top.
…What were those 1L hiring numbers again?
We’re holistic. What does that mean? Only Ben Alarie really knows. What’s important is we’re the first “holistic class” and it’s obviously working (Sorry, Marita, Ben’s stats clearly don’t lie). Maybe it’s equality? A majority of us will get the same grade after all (“P” for “awesome student who will get a great job”). Maybe it means we’re accepting? We *are* best friends with everyone (it’s okay, 2Ls, inclusiveness isn’t for everyone). And maybe it means we get Gabe Edelson. Talk about your year’s dime-pieces all you want, but have you seen Gabe? Forget Tyler Henderson’s dancing, Gabe tears up the dance floor and everyone who saw him at law ball, regardless of year or gender, wanted to know if he’s on the market. What upper year has that kind of pull?
DSB. Does anyone in your year have faculty promotional materials, and a Birge display case dedicated to his likeness? No. No they don’t.
Counterpoint- The 2Ls: Simply the Best
Marita Zouravlioff (2L)
You might belong in 2L,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve and chivalry
Set the 2L class apart.
The sorting hat has never made a mistake; every 2L bears the hallmarks of their class. A pioneering spirit. A robust social life. An undying concern for the greater good. While we continue to make the school, nay, the world, a better place, we are taunted as “lame” and wrongly branded as “takers”. Stop with the jealousy, haters. It’s unbecoming.
Fearless leadership – imagine being told that the structure by which you have led your academic life is abruptly moot. While the 3Ls continued comfortably with their A, Bs, and Cs, we had to forge a new road, rife with uncertainty and awkward conversations. We were the first class to have to explain during an OCI what the bloody difference between an H and a B+ is. “H is better,” we said with confidence. We’ve been faced with pull-down menus in job applications that ask for our grades and only give GPAs as options. And still, in the face of a declining job market, we outperformed and outshone the very 3Ls who have the audacity to call our class “no good at everything.”
Daring temperament – to the outsider, we may look a bit clique-y, but we do it for the betterment of the community. Law school is boring and a class that is *best friends with everyone* (looking at you, 1Ls) just adds to the dreariness of our day-to-day life. Our passionate and fiery dispositions keep the rumour mill going strong. “Did you hear Seamus attended the Force Field’s pre-drink last night?! What’s he trying to do, wheel Lav?” Hello, drama! Discussions like these keep 2L-life a vibrant and thriving oasis in a murky, monotonous sea of fake-smilin’ 1Ls, 3Ls, and 4Ls; if the makers of Laguna Beach ever came to U of T law, you know what class would be picked. May we also remind you that as clique-y as we might be, we would step into the trajectory of a cruciatus curse for any of our fellow 2Ls.
Martyrdom – the 1Ls anxiously wonder if they will see the Renewed Faculty of Law before they graduate. We assure you, we will never see the new building. The Bora Laskin Law Library was our home, and we were dragged from our humid enclave, never to return. But we didn’t look back, oh no. We set up our laptops amidst the undergrads and continued patrolling Facebook and watching funny cat vids as if nothing had happened. We did this for you, 1Ls, in the hopes that you, unlike us, will see the fruition of UofTLaw 2.0 and make the glorious homecoming trek through the museum subway station. Stop being such ungrateful brats. You can indicate your appreciation by buying us tequila shots next pub night…yet another reason why we’re awesome. We love tequila.
Complete Dime-Pieces – the 1Ls like to tout their ‘holisticness’, but you could say the defining characteristic of any 2L is that they are the proverbial ‘whole package’. Take a certain J. S. Robinson as an example. He is an extremely typical 2L student. He has the bold courage of Harry, the brains of Hermione, and that certain je ne sais quoi of Ron.
The 3Ls enjoy assuring the 1Ls that they are special and superior to us. But do not be fooled, 1Ls. The flattering words of the 3L are in fact just a meager attempt at revenge, as the 3Ls last year disparaged their class openly and called them “the ugliest class U of T law has ever seen.” We were assured that we were much better than them, which we indeed are. Fellow 2L’s, forgive the 3L class. Their envious sneers are merely a condition of their inferiority; they cannot help themselves.
The 4Ls gloat about their ‘majesty and transcendence.’ In truth, they simply refuse to graduate in a vain effort to meet the high standards set by 2Ls before them. Law school is a flat circle. We will be and have always been the 2L class, the most glorious class in history.
Countercounterpoint- The Wise 3Ls
Ben Iscoe (3L)
A wise person once said that the 3L is a creature of knowledge, equipped with tools and the keen spirit to use them as they hone their craft. It is unclear who spoke these words, in what context or even if they were ever said, but they are a testament to the true character of the 3L.
Let’s consider what the 3L class has accomplished. They have been at the helm of Follies the last two years, spearheaded dialogue about tuition, created the Promises Auction, have been published and quoted in every major Canadian newspaper, and have Robbie Santia. Now I’m not saying that one year is better than another, but all other years are clearly worse.
First we have the 1Ls (1Ls stay with me here; I know I’m moving quickly). Sure I can get lost staring into the eyes of Mr. St. Bernard, but after that what do they have? Let’s see. These people never saw (Acting) Dean Duggan in his glory. What did he do you may ask? Let me tell you what he did! He did stuff! If you saw that man behind the Dean’s desk you would know that man was not acting… oh no, he was deaning! And he deaned the shit out of it! And you never got to see it! Perhaps some attention should be paid to Aron’s reference to his class being “the best class in the last 3 years.”[1] Aron if you’re going to quote, please quote accurately! The quote was it “felt like the best class in the last 3 years.” This was a relative as opposed to an absolute statement. Your class was preceded by the current 2L class who made last year feel three times longer than it actually was. So yes, in comparison your class is the greatest thing since Martha Shaffer (aka “the shit” assuming the kids still talk like that).
Now let’s move onto the 2Ls. Everyone take a moment. Think of your favourite 2L. You got one? Excellent. Now lock it in. At the same time, let’s say our pick together. ONE. TWO. THREE! Yeah, I couldn’t think of one either. Don’t feel bad though, the 2Ls are so lame that even they probably couldn’t think of one. I’m sure there are some 2Ls that do stuff and make this a better plac… I’m sorry I really can’t finish that sentence with a straight face. They really are objectively terrible. In class, they contribute very little to FB threads about future deans (Leci ’14) or the untimely death of Sriracha. They attempt to take in knowledge and give back very little in return. A bunch of takers! I’m not one for generalizations or anything, but all 2Ls are no good at everything. I love that Marita’s boast of her class included being “faced with pull-down menus in job applications that ask for our grades and only give GPAs as options.” Really? That’s your version of overcoming adversity. For the love of g-d we had a student get shot at (on numerous occasions) while serving in Afghanistan!
Then there are the 4Ls, a term adopted in recent years to make this subset of our school feel special. This is reasonable; students requiring four years to do what others accomplish in three are special. We should genuinely all pitch in and encourage them, especially when you appreciate that the faculty legally disowns them for their second year. However, Louis should be commended for his work in this article. I can’t even fathom how long he spent on Wikipedia parroting historic references that he overheard in conversations as he furrowed his brow attempting to comprehend the content. If analogizing me to the eldest son of Pepin the Short is the best Louis the Short can do, then I can comfortably say that he is par for the 4L course.
Countercountercounterpoint- Why 4Ls are the Best / the Last Lights of Civilization
Louis Tsilivis (4L)
Like the ancient magnificence of the Pyramid of Cheops, the graceful ruins of the Parthenon, and the eerily beautiful geoglyphs of Peru’s pre-contact Nazca peoples, the 4L class are lingering testaments to the glory of the Class of 2013. They are the last lights of civilization – of both an inclusive social dynamic that is exactly what the French meant when they spoke of ‘fraternité’, and of social gatherings that would make Gatsby’s parties look like children’s birthdays – that this law school has never seen since. In the social Dark Ages that has since descended upon our law school, the 4Ls are the Roman and Greek manuscripts that remind us of a bygone era of virtue and opulence.
Let me sing you the song of my people:
Like waves of determined migrants to the Americas, we were the ones who came to Bora from faraway lands, who carved out a home for ourselves in the study tables at the south-facing windows, who named that home “Friendship Cove”. Like the coureur de bois and the Prairie settlers, we pushed the boundaries of pub night farther west than any class before us – all the way to Dufferin Street.
Like Dr Livingstone, we went on great adventures, with trips to Wasaga at the end of 1L and to Nicaragua for graduation. Like the greatest designers of Paris and Milan, we pioneered new styles, introducing deeper and deeper Vs and ushering in the era of the tank top. Like the revolutionaries across the world rallying around a cause – democracy, social justice, world peace – we came together and declared the tapir our mascot.
We had many hardships along the way. We had contracts in the Moot Court Room, which was impervious to wifi, and there was much suffering. Yet like the Israelites wandering the desert for 40 years without Facebook, we pushed on and persevered.
I do not expect any of those who have come after me to understand what any of this means. Like ignorant barbarians who come across the most beautiful Sanskrit poetry, they will not be able to read it and comprehend the majesty and transcendence that it eulogizes.
The 3Ls are terrible. Like the Frankish kingdoms who came after the Romans, they understand their cultural inferiority and try to emulate the tastes of the classical period (mostly by mimicking the 4Ls’ affinity for Robyn). Also, Charlemagne barely ever bathed and was really smelly (and Ben Iscoe is Charlemagne).
The 2Ls are awful. Like the Vikings, they are prone to factionalism and squabbling and divisions among themselves. While they possess impressive physiques (e.g. Matt Budd) and are of renowned Nordic beauty (e.g. Lauren Harper, Eryn Fanjoy), they only use such gifts for raiding coastal villages and for taking Snapchats of themselves. Like Norse helms worn in battle, 2Ls wear toques inside the Birge-Carnegie Reading Room (e.g. Max Mandel, Ryan Tinney, Elliott Pobjoy). Like, they are deeply and emotionally obsessed with toques.
The 1Ls are the worst. They are like a New Age cult that thinks that Eckhart Tolle and Jabba the Hutt produced a love-child that is actually the Messiah, and holds its meetings in a suburban basement in Reno, Nevada. They have a whole cast of mysterious cult leaders: the charismatic founder David St Bernard; the likeable but power-hungry power-behind-the-throne Garth Murray; and the local strongman Gabe Edelson. St Bernard is rapidly losing influence and followers to the zealous Edelson, who fanatically preaches that all law students must stand up – rather than sit down – while doing readings at the library.
So while Flavelle Hall, our magna mater, lies empty and desolate, and while our numbers dwindle, we shall leave this school knowing that we are the last remnants of the most benevolent and wondrous cohort that ever was – and that after us come the barbarians, Franks, Vikings, and New Age cultists. Après 4L, le Déluge.
[1] Aron Nimani. “Point|Counterpoint: Which is the best year currently at U of T Law?” Ultra Vires 15:5 (26 March 2014) 15. For all those 1Ls that’s called a citation… and I didn’t have to spend 20 minutes with the reference librarians to figure out how to do this!
