IMPORTANT HEALTH AND SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT- DO NOT IGNORE

Rona Ocean (1L)

With OCIs, papers, and the impending doom of exams, November is one of the worst months to fall ill. All students should exercise care with respect to their health and ensure they are keeping up with regular hygiene and sleep routines (which, let’s face it, are always the first things to go out the window). A main concern of many students at this time of year is cold and flu prevention. But while many people rush to their local pharmacy to stock up on Cold Fx, Orange Juice, or some oil from some plant, most students forget the more concerning epidemic that sweeps the city at this time of year: Second-Hand Stress. Scientific-ish studies have demonstrated that Second Hand Stress (or SHS for short) is particularly contagious here at the University of Toronto Faculty of Law.

Common symptoms of the infection include, but are not restricted to:

  • Increased self-commiseration, commonly known as “feeling sorry for yourself.”
  • A strong and compelling urge to start and finish a new television series on Netflix.
  • Ingestion of an entire extra-large pizza after convincing yourself and delivery personnel you’re sharing it with friends.
  • Self-loathing; resultant from realization of pizza quantity consumed.
  • Increased contemplation and prioritization of, without actualization or completion of, graded endeavors of academia, commonly known as “thinking a lot about all the work you have to do but not actually doing any of it.”
  • Irregular and fitful alternation between polarized states of self-perception; “over-confidence,” and “quit law school” as common examples.zz

One of the most sinister attributes of this epidemic is that infected individuals are not safe from worsening of symptoms. SHS is a COMPOUNDING infection, meaning that two people infected with stress absorb SHS radiation from each other, which forms a devastating strain of the infection called SUPER-STRESS. Once infected with SUPER-STRESS, there is little to no hope for the individual until after exams have terminated.

The most effective method of preventing infection with SHS is avoiding contact with other infected individuals. Since mostly everyone is stressed, the likelihood of this is slim to none. It’s cute that you’re trying though.

If reading this article has made you realize that you are suffering from second-hand stress, the following resources may help in coping with the symptoms:

  • (416)-967-1010 (Pizza Pizza’s phone number)
  • (647) 748-2333 (A more hipster-friendly pizza place’s phone number)
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64 (link to the video, “I’ll make a Man out of You” from Disney’s Mulan)