POINT: Let the Manbun take Bay Street
By Marita Zouravlioff (3L)
Bay Street. The mecca of big law, stiff collared shirts, and pantyhose. A place where colourful socks are considered an expression of self. Where people are told to conform to tradition, or GTFO and find a job in public interest. My fellow aspiring lawyers, it is time for us to release the financial district from its conservative shackles. We must unite now to free the offices of downtown Toronto from their overbearing rules and codes. The natural place to start, of course, is the emancipation of the manbun.
2014 saw the precipitous rise of this elegant coiffure and the world is a better place for it. We witnessed cavalcades of men cancel their hair appointments and embrace the hair elastic. Jake Gyllenhall, Jared Leto, Leo DiCaprio, Dave Kumagai – all pioneers of truth and heroes among men. Keeping the manbun out of Bay Street would be denying a cultural revolution. We shouldn’t hold onto sexist norms because we’re afraid of change. Women can wear buns, but men can’t?! That sounds as asinine as the firm’s aging male partner who claims women should only wear skirts. Well, almost…that guy is the most asinine.
So I implore you – let the manbun reign. Manbuns bring interest and vibrancy to any board room or powerpoint presentation. Much like a pair of expensive fashion glasses, they convey to a client that I’m hip and ‘with it’, but also highly intelligent and industrious. Moreover, we should not uphold a status quo that prohibits the purest form of self-expression – hairstyles.
Banning manbuns is the sort of thing that makes judges think it is perfectly legitimate to complain about chipped nail polish in the courtroom.* Our industry as a whole can be embarrassingly stuffy and old-fashioned. Our pretentious lingo and love of formalities have made us a subject of ridicule. This is but one small step towards bringing our profession closer to the 20th century. Yes, the 20th. Let’s not shoot for miracles here.
So let’s join together and demand a change. Let the manbun take its rightful place amongst the undercuts and the comb overs. In particular, I call on those men’s rights group out there to abandon whatever it is that you are doing and campaign for something that truly matters – manbuns on Bay Street. Viva la revulación!
*For anyone who did not take Trial Ad in the fall – supposedly this is a bona fide complaint that a judge has made to a room of lawyers.
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COUNTERPOINT: Get the Manbun off the Streets
By David Pardy (3L)
My Lords, I have had the benefit of reading our 2015 Valedictorian’s position on manbuns and I must disagree.
Look, I’m one hundred and ten percent (that’s right, more than the definitional maximum!) in favour of moving beyond gender norms and hailing the culturally progressive into big law. But as my analysis shows, there are two types of manbuns and neither belongs on Bay Street. And one of them belongs on no streets. I really hate that one.
Anyways, here’s the manbun dichotomy. First is the fashion-hipster manbun, which has buzzed sides, medium length on top, and a shitty little tuft (barely even a bun) jammed into a hair elastic popping out of the rear scalp. Second is the careless manbun, which is long hair long all over and loosely tied into a bun on the rear of the head.
The fashion-hipster manbun, aptly named, is the bastard child of hipsters and fashionistas. It says, “I’m hip, better than you, and I don’t care what you think of me” and also, “well I do care what you think of me, so I got my hair architect and stylist to spend a lot of time crafting this look.” It’s a clusterf*ck of the revolting and the vain. And it frankly looks disgusting. Disregard the Elite Daily’s assurances; it’s a veritable blunder of modern fashion. Get the fashion-hipster manbun off of our streets before the beautiful future people of 2050 criticize the 2010s like we criticize the 1980s.
I am a lot more sympathetic to the careless manbun, though ultimately it’s unfit for Bay Street. So what if you don’t get your hair cut for, like, a year and a half, and you push it into a bun because the length starts to get annoying? It happens. It’s fine. I mean, it’s fine if you’re a master’s student. It’s fine if you play in a band with your friends. It’s fine if you’re by definition lazy and/or careless. But carelessness is impermissible on Bay Street. Carelessness gets you sued for negligence. Carelessness will not carry you through 2,000 annual billable hours. The careless manbun has no place in big law.
My Lords, the fashion-hipster manbun is always awful and the careless manbun is unfitting for yuppies. Either way, the manbun has no place on Bay Street.
