Promises I wish I could have bid on

Maud Rozee (1L) and Clara Rozee (3L)

If the organisers ever wants to raise some real ca$h money at the Promise Auction, then they should put some of these promises on the block.


Promisor: Every Professor Ever

Promise: LIVE IN FEAR NO LONGER

I will take your name off my cold call list, or, if you prefer, I will only cold call you when you give me a prearranged signal that means “I actually know this one and I want to make sure everyone knows I know it!”


Promisor: That nerd

Promise: GUILT-FREE CLASS SKIPPING

I will send you my notes when you skip class (and I won’t be snarky about it) and I’ll give you my map before the exam and then I’ll purposely fall on my sword during the exam so the curve is more favourable to you.


Promisor: The transcript-braggart

Promise: NEVER FEEL BAD ABOUT YOUR GRADES AGAIN

I’ll stop acting like a P is the end of the world when we all know that it’s a perfectly acceptable mark! I will also copy out “we’re all just lucky to be surrounded by such incredible intelligence” a thousand times and send it to you!


Promisor: Your family

Promise: LET YOU LIVE

We’ll stop asking you about what your plans for this summer are! Also we’re sorry and we love you!


Promisor: Scotiabank

Promise: DEBT?

What debt 😉


Promisor: A Seven Sisters Firm

Promise: SET FOR LIFE

Skip the whole “learning about the law” thing. Skip the whole “applying for a job” thing. Heck, just skip the next 40-ish years! Become partner today, retire tomorrow. Salary included, obviously.


Promisor: The Supreme Court of Canada

Promise: JUDICIAL POWER

Rule on any case on the docket this year. You write the judgement – we’ll make it unanimous. No questions asked.


Promisor: Dean Iacobucci

Promise: BE MY HEIR

You can be Dean after me, and also inherit all my money. If bidding goes above $50, we’ll change your last name to Iacobucci. If you want, my wife and I will also legally adopt you – your choice!