Tort Or No Tort?

Clara Rozee (3L) and Maud Rozee (1L)

I saw not a single swan at the so-called “Swan Ball.” There were only a few white feathers on the tables, as if a swan had stopped by briefly before the party began. I purchased my tickets expressly for the promised swans. I even would have settled for a Canada goose in a white tuxedo. The mental benefit I expected to receive from some swan time was completely absent and the lack of swans distressed me greatly. TORT or NO TORT or BREACH OF CONTRACT?

At 2pm on Wednesday, I was sitting in the new reading room, trying to do my readings for the first time in three weeks, when my serene focus was broken by the sound of jackhammers and workers shouting about masonry. Having left my industrial noise-cancelling headphones at home, I was forced to look at Instagram for the remainder of the afternoon. TORT or NO TORT?

A recent email stated that students have been “sneaking food into the library”, and causing a mouse “problem”. Personally, I carry my 24 pack of Timbits into the Reading Room with pride, tuck in a napkin, and invite all God’s creatures to pull up a chair. The library’s slanderous accusation and closed-minded anti-rodent stance is a threat to my reputation as a bon vivant, gourmand, and friend to mice everywhere. Maybe these librarians should dig up a copy of the 2007 classic film, Ratatouille, and learn a thing or two about inclusivity. TORT or NO TORT?

On the one hand, I love it when my peers accomplish things. #UofTLaw5ever. But do we really need up-to-the-minute updates on our moot wins? We get it, our classmates are good at mooting. I achieve things too, but nobody got an email when I did laundry yesterday. TORT or NO TORT?

I’m really going to miss my morning charades game/crisis negotiation/skill-testing communication challenge with the Caffiends volunteers while trying to get them to make me a cup of tea. I felt like the space agency tasked with communicating our presence and intentions to an alien life form, except instead of diagrams of the solar system and the human body, it was “tea bag”, “boiling water” and “mug”. I’ve never felt so gloriously alive. Tea from Second Cup? Where’s the challenge in that? TORT or NO TORT?

These new student-only Facebook groups are lit. I can’t believe we spent so long posting with Big Ben Alarie looking over our shoulders, ever watchful. Let’s have a moment of silence for the memes we missed out on, all those months. TORT or NO TORT?