An Oral History of the IRAC War Part One: A Brief Introduction

Kevin Schoenfeldt

Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L)

You may not know this, but many years ago, Legal Methods was taught not in three sections as it is today, but as one united and harmonious class. These were times of plenty, when lunch was always free and was only sometimes pizza, and when it was pizza, it was gourmet pizza and you could choose your own toppings. Even if you chose pineapple, nobody would care, because everyone got their own. This idyllic class was taught by three devoted professors who loved each other very much and happily shared teaching duties with one another: the eminent Dean McCourt, the charming Hugh England, and the incredible, beloved, Queen Gloria. [Note: All names have been changed to protect those who are still teaching and/or dean-ing at U of T.] But soon, dark clouds began forming over the once sunny paradise that was Legal Methods.

Dean McCourt: I can tell you whose fault that was. That know-it-all Hugh.

Queen Gloria: I don’t like to criticize my colleagues, but Hugh certainly became… difficult.

Dean McCourt: Difficult, definitely. Dumb? For sure. Dickish? Big time. This list is illustrative, not exhaustive.

Hugh England: Every time he talks, can my response be that gif of a monkey peeing into its own mouth? No? You can’t do that? Oh, it’s a newspaper. Well, just picture it.

Each professor went on like this for quite some time. Finally, I was able to direct them back on topic and they shed some light on how the conflict began.

Queen Gloria: It all started when, basically out of nowhere, Hugh said we should change how we taught the class to write case briefs.

Hugh England: At the time, that dweeb Dean had everyone making the most detailed briefs you can imagine. Facts, procedural history, issue, holding, ratio, dissent, obiter, conclusion. I mean, you can’t make an acronym out of that! Just try pronouncing FPIHRDOC.

Dean McCourt: He was obsessed with being able to pronounce it. If you can’t make a cool PowerPoint slide what’s the point, right?

Hugh England: So I politely suggested we use IRAC instead.

Dean McCourt: He acted like he invented IRAC. Please, people were using IRAC while he was still a kid staring at himself in the mirror perfecting his accent.

Hugh England: I know I didn’t invent IRAC. Look, here’s a picture of me beside the IRAC monument in Boston, birthplace of IRAC.

Queen Gloria: They both just cared about it so much. Hugh asked me to form an alliance and kick Dean out. I said it wasn’t fair to ask me to choose sides and all he would say was “What do you mean unfair? What do you mean unfair? What do you mean unfair?”

Hugh England: What does she mean unfair?

Queen Gloria: And so, I’m not proud of this, but I sided with Dean. I thought that would put an end to it. But then one day a third of the class was missing and so was Hugh. He left us a note that said, “Found a coalition of the willing. Going to teach IRAC.”

Dean McCourt: I was so mad I think I blacked out. That little weasel stole my class.

Queen Gloria: It could have ended there, but Dean couldn’t let it go. He had to retaliate. And that’s when things got really bad.

End of Part One

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