2FML: A Cautionary Tale

Janine Prongpepper (Alumnus) as told to Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L)

I’m going to make this short and sweet. My name is Janine Prongpepper and I’ve been in 2L for fifteen years now. No, you don’t know me. No, you haven’t seen me in any of your classes. I’ve been paying off my so-called debt to society—the Law Society, that is. What was my offence? It was that classic sitcom plot: two dates, one night. Except for me it was six firms, one summer.

I was just trying to be polite. There I was at in-firms, interviewing at six different places, and every time any firm tried to gauge my interest I told them how nice they seemed, how I was sure everyone really liked them, how lucky any girl like me would be to work for a firm like them. I didn’t tell any of them they were my first choice; they just kind of assumed it. You know how it is: show any interest in a firm and they think you want to work there the rest of your life. I wasn’t even looking for a career; I just wanted to try things out.

Then came offer day. I don’t know what came over me. The first firm called, a firm I had planned to say no to, but then there was that friendly voice on the other end and I couldn’t bear to hurt his feelings. So I said yes. And then it happened five more times. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I had six jobs lined up for the summer.

It seems funny when it happens on TV, but let me tell you, there’s nothing funny about it in real life. Oh sure, I had some fun. I’d wear my Raptors hat with the sticker still on it into my bro firm and be like, “This year is our year.” Then I’d throw on my Harry Potter earrings and head on down to my nerd firm for awhile. But what happens the day you walk into your snobby firm and talk about how much you love Nickelback? What happens when you wear your Raptors hat to the nerd firm and brag about your gains?

I’ll tell you what happens. Your shitty officemate, Trevor, gets suspicious and organizes an inter-firm recreation day just to out you, and you juggle the events as much as possible, but then you show up to your bro firm ultimate game wearing your hipster firm jersey and everything falls apart. Trevor wins. All six firms report you to the Law Society, who orders you to eighteen years of document review divided evenly between all six firms. Can they do that? Is that legal? You tell me: I was going to take labour law in 3L.

Here’s the moral: Don’t be like me. Don’t be polite. Don’t worry about people’s feelings so much. And most importantly, don’t trust Trevor.