Law Follies Writers
TORONTO, ON – Tired of wrestling with Professor Alarie’s exam question about the tax implications of his and BlueJ’s impending marriage, student Hunter Hearst Helmsley reportedly decided to demonstrate his understanding of tax rules by throwing Ben Alarie through a plywood table halfway through the exam.
The 2L was heard asking his disoriented Professor whether he could “Dig that, sucka?” before climbing onto a turnbuckle while taking off his shirt. “I’m back in Kansas City!” he proclaimed, as he jumped through the air and elbow-dropped the disoriented academic before parading around the room with his arms held high in the air. “Oooooo Yeah,” said Helmsley. “I am the game and I am that damn good!”
Sources confirmed that the 2L, however, was taken by surprise when Professor Alarie sprang to his feet and brought a folding Tax Act crashing down over Helmsley’s head. “You ain’t beat me, brotha!” growled the academic. “You will struggle through my exam and you will like it! Compared to the Ice Snake Ben Alarie, you are nothing but garbage, yeah. And I’m talking inevitable, brotha, and I’m talking an LP. Because things are just popping right now, just like a silver Rolls Royce, top of the line. You are like a grain of sand in the Sahara Desert, and I am the entire desert. Don’t bet against me. Don’t lose your life.”
Surprisingly, when grades were released a mere seventy-eight days later, the student had received an HHH in the class—an historic first at the Faculty of Law. When approached for comment, the student attributed his success to his excellent pedigree.