Ultra Vires Guide to January of 1L

Norm Yallen (1L)

January of 1L can be a stressful time, what with grades, the 1L recruit, mooting, and everything else to deal with. Fortunately, I am here to help with some half-hearted, insincere advice.

Plan ahead: Begin working on your 1L summer job applications early so you will have more time to throw them in the garbage when grades come out.

Work on your public speaking: For mooting, it is important to make a strong impression on those judging the tryouts. I would recommend awkwardly stammering through a horrible tryout and then telling your friends you never wanted to moot anyway.

Be ethical: Learn enough ethics to justify to yourself skipping the ethical lawyering day. Have an explanation about your ethical understanding ready for any administrators who see things less ethically.

Stay hydrated: Weigh going to pub night against doing your readings. One is an unproductive waste of time that will be met with no reward. The other is pub night.

Grades do not matter: Those things you spent months working for? You never cared anyway. There is more to a person than their grades. You are here to enrich your understanding of the law.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA just kidding.

Comfort the less fortunate: Befriend someone who got worse grades than you so that you can feel better about yourself while seeming caring and compassionate. That ethics training paid off!

Keep things in perspective: Your problems are small in the grand scheme of things. At least a dangerous megalomaniac isn’t taking over the most powerful office in the world.

Write a bad satirical column to compensate for your own failings: This is about you, not me.