Screendropping III: The Mystery Will Be Emailed

To: Student Conduct Officer (The_Punisher@hotmail.com)

From: Sarah DeLey (sarah.deley@mail.utoronto.ca)

Re: Egregious Student Code of Conduct Violations

Dear Mr. Clorkman,

I am writing to you today to express my utter shock and shame at my own actions during the last three months. I see now that my behaviour, both online and in real life, was hurtful, misguided, and may have contravened the Criminal Code.

I see now that I was wrong to invite Laurel Schrempf to my apartment for a Call to the Bar pre only to accuse her of murder in front of the approximately twenty people there. I further acknowledge that when she tried to leave without answering my accusations, I should not have pushed her into my bathroom and locked the two of us in. It was especially not cool of me when I then tried to dunk her head in the toilet while repeatedly saying, “Tell me where the body is.” In my defence, I didn’t successfully get her head in the toilet, but even so, this was not the proper way to go about things. On the other hand, I did eventually get the answers I wanted shortly after this when Ms. Schrempf agreed to talk.

I now realize that I was entirely mistaken about Ms. Schrempf’s involvement in any wrongdoing. I may find it difficult to accept, but I take Ms. Schrempf at her word that she and her roommate were only ever talking about composting. Her roommate, Stella (“Paisley”), had spilled their worm composter, which they were trying to keep secret from a third roommate who was afraid of worms. Realizing they could never hide a worm composter long-term, they decided to bury the compost in the backyard, which explains the shovels on their porch. While this explanation may be mundane, I am forced to admit that it is the truth.

I do not want to make excuses, but I have been under a great deal of stress, because… WAIT A MINUTE. In her original message that I screendropped on, Laurel said they were talking about HOUSEHOLD RECYCLING, not composting! You and I both know there are no worms involved in recycling.

I just heard a sound, Mr. Clorkman. Someone is in the house. IT’S HER. She’s a murderer, Mr. Clorkman. Vindication! I’m sending this now so that the world will know what happened to me.

SHE IS COMING

To: Student Conduct Officer (The_Punisher@hotmail.com)

From: Sarah DeLey (sarah.deley@mail.utoronto.ca)

Re: Previous Email

Hi there,

This is Sara again. Please disregard the end of that last email. I have been drinking and doing drugs. Just disregard the whole thing actually. I am not sorry and you should expel me. Laurel Schrempf is a sweet, gentle woman. I will assume I am expelled. You will not see or hear from me again.

Warmest regards,

Sara Delay