Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L)
OCIs are a stressful time for 2Ls. The CDO does a fine job with the basic questions: What do I wear? What kind of questions should I expect? Is it okay if I don’t want to work on Bay Street? (CDO’s answer: HAHAHA good one. Wait, you’re serious?). But there are some questions that only people who have recently gone through the process can answer. UV has you covered.
Q: If they’re On-Campus Interviews, why are they held off campus?
A: This is a mind game, plain and simple. It’s designed to throw you off balance. Do not, under any circumstance, make a comment about this to an interviewer. They will end the interview on the spot and ridicule you for your weak mind. You will be able to complete the rest of your OCIs, but you will be obligated to wear a name tag that says “Weakling” instead of your actual name.
Q: What if my nerves cause me to sweat during my interviews?
A: Everyone in the world hates any person that sweats, because bodily functions are not acceptable. Some people recommend wrapping yourself in plastic wrap. That can work, but be prepared to answer questions about why your skin is so shiny. Personally, I suggest telling all of your interviewers that you just hopped out of the shower. Consider carrying a bottle of shampoo into the booth for authenticity.
Sample dialogue:
You: “Sorry about the shampoo, I just hopped out of the shower.”
Interviewer: “That’s great, we value cleanliness at our firm.”
Q: Should I lie in my interviews?
A: Yes. One of the main criteria interviewers consider is how adept you are at telling lies. Research shows that lies are most believable when surrounded by truthy details. When you are asked to “tell [them] about yourself,” for example, say something like, “I play the piano, I like to cook, I really enjoyed working on the Law Review in 1L, and I set the record for most consecutive days spent in space.” However, if you lie too well, the interviewers will think you told the truth the whole time, which they will not appreciate. Wow them by admitting your lies at the end of the interview.
You: “I was lying. I hated being on Law Review. It’s so boring!”
Interviewers: “Wow!”
Q: The CDO says OCIs are kind of like speed dating. Should I use pick-up techniques in my interview?
A: My dude, of course you should. Neg those interviewers hard.
Interviewer: “Why do you want to work at a corporate firm?”
You: “I don’t. I’m only doing this interview because I felt sorry for you. You think anyone wants to work eighty hours a week doing the most boring type of law there is? Why? Because you pay more? Firm, please. I wouldn’t join your cult of sleeping in the office if you paid ten times as much.”
Interviewer: “Come to an in-firm! We’ll show you that we’re not what you think! Please!”
Works every time.
Q:What if I throw up on my interviewer?
A: This is normal and something that happens to almost everyone. The key is to play it cool. If you don’t draw attention to it, the interviewers will barely notice. I threw up on one interviewer almost every time I spoke. Instead of getting nervous and letting the increasingly unbearable smell phase me, I stayed calm, maintained good eye contact, and focused on communicating all my talking points. Guess what? I got the job. Success at OCIs isn’t about perfection, it’s about showing that you know your resume even when you’re covered in this morning’s half-digested breakfast sandwich.
