Ultra Vires Unapproved Vacation Destinations

After our ban on trips and vacations in the December issue, people have been left wondering if they will be able to leave Canada again. Here are some suggestions for safe non-problematic places to travel in your mind.

Hogwarts: A school that only allows in people with magical powers that were acquired at birth. This muggle does not condone a trip to Hogwarts. In 2018, I should not even have to say that such a discriminatory institution has no place in our society. Also, isn’t it kind of weird that one of the houses there has the character trait that everyone in it is evil and even more into birthright wizardom and the school is just cool with it?

Narnia: Wikipedia tells me this whole story was just an allegory for Jesus Christ. Seems a little too Judeo-Christian-centric for my liking. Would it have killed them to also include an allegory for Muhammed, or Buddha, or the creepy science fiction guy who founded Scientology? (I know it’s Phillip Seymour Hoffman but thought that joke was better that way.)

That place where Avatar was: I remember this being kind of racist, does anyone even remember Avatar?

Westeros: Lots of bad stuff here. I could list it all, but then people would be mad that I spoiled the show. But you know if you like gratuitous violence, fictional children being burned to death, and Jon Snow somehow surviving his own stupid decisions, then maybe this is the place for you. Also, a lot of discrimination and violence against women, so no good. Probably wouldn’t survive this trip anyway.

Neverland: Why were there no Lost Girls, only Lost Boys? Also, the stuff with the natives has not aged well. Michael Jackson made this too weird and wrong.

Pokemon world: Pokemon are used exclusively to fight and when not fighting they are confined to a tiny Pokeball. Michael Vick went to prison for less.

Bikini Bottom: So SpongeBob is a sponge who works at The Krusty Krab where he makes Krabby Patties. The restaurant is run by Mr. Krab, who is, of course, a crab. So what are these Krabby Patties made of? Is Mr. Krabs killing his own species for the consumption of others? Plus, when I went the meat seemed a little dry.