Honghu Wang (1L)
Faculty Council Hires Sergeant-at-Arms
Facing declining attendance, Faculty Council on March 7 approved the provisional hiring of a Sergeant-at-Arms, who will be charged with rounding up members of Faculty Council before every meeting, guarding the coveted sandwich table, and barricading the doors to prevent members from leaving before quorum is met. Apparently, law and economics professors do believe in such a thing as a free lunch.
Professor Benjamin Alarie was rumoured to be the top contender for the new position. Professor Alarie was last seen marching on the third floor of the law school balancing a golden mace on his shoulder. He could not be reached for comment.
1L Class Copies 2L Charm
After seven splendid selfie-posting months, the 1L class has finally devolved into drama llamas befitting the prestigious University of Toronto Faculty of Law, following in the footsteps of the upper-year classes. Upon further investigation, however, it appears the main instigators were not even 1Ls at all. As Intra Vires was going to press, the 1L class had not yet decided on an appropriate definition of “the boonies.”
Law Students Celebrate Rankings, Student Debt, and Public Interest Law
University Magazine recently ranked the University of Toronto Faculty of Law as the top law school in Canada. University Magazine describes itself as a “class project for alternative media & digital activism course at the University of Windsor.” The rankings were brought to the attention of the student body by a diligent law student.
Separately, the Intra Vires University Rankings released its first rankings of law schools; U of T ranked first in “Canadian Rankings of Schools that Care the Most About Rankings,” second in “Student Debt” (behind McGill), and last in “Graduates in Public Interest Law.”
Faculty of Law Review Spotted Using “Wrong” Punctuation, Says Prescriptive Grammarist
As reported by a different, diligent law student, the University of Toronto Faculty of Law Review was recently spotted using hyphens in lieu of en dashes, to the surprise of no one, not even the exactly two people who read the paper.
Election Scandal Mired in Search of Popsicles
Ultra Vires Co-Editor-in-Chief and SLS Chief Returning Officer Aidan Campbell is rumoured to return next year as SLS President despite allegations of rigged voting booths that were “helping vote in the tyrants who will reign once [the 3L class is] long departed.” He is alleged to have bought votes with “all the marbles.” He was also indicted on charges of conspiracy to “blow this popsicle stand” at the upcoming convocation. As Intra Vires was going to press, we were still searching for this popsicle stand—a popsicle stand, any popsicle stand.
Is UV Inflating the Goodness of the Graduating Class?
A rigorous analysis [Editor’s Note: it was not] of personal statements by the graduating classes published by Ultra Vires shows a steady year-over-year rise in the percentage of Grads Doing Good Things™.
Are graduates really staying true to their personal statements or is this a conspiracy by the editors to get in the good books of the graduating class?