You unironically post pictures of yourself in bed on Instagram with the caption “I woke up like this” and think that people actually believe that you woke up with your hair perfectly styled and your partner lying next to you smiling instead of covering their nose and trying not to faint from your rotting morning breath. Every chance you get, you try to convince people that the correct plural of octopus is octopodes. You claim to have never tried McDonald’s.
Your biggest flaw is obsessing too much about what your biggest flaw is. Also, you don’t always take out the garbage when you say you’re going to.
You share this pronunciation with Professor Vincent Chiao and so it would be easy to think that you, like him, are flawless. If you are not Vincent Chiao, you definitely chew too loudly. Not enough to be disgusting, but just enough to annoy people who are sensitive to that sort of thing. When you stay in people’s guest rooms, you make the bed in the morning, but you don’t do it very well, so your host has to remake it anyway. You text at the dinner table.
Your biggest flaw is not being Vincent Chiao.
[Note: If you are Vincent Chiao, thank you for reading.]
You show up to every class 1.7 minutes late but are still miffed when someone has taken the seat you usually sit in. You won’t stop telling people that Halt and Catch Fire is one of the best shows you’ve ever seen, but that the first season takes awhile to find itself. Instead of laughing at people’s jokes, you say the words “That’s funny,” because you are incapable of laughing like a normal human being.
Your biggest flaw is that if anyone says anything that remotely suggests they don’t like you, you spend the next three days thinking of why that might be and what you can do to change it. You need a haircut.
You need to seek medical help immediately. You should also invest in a little thing called deodorant.
Every time you say this you make eye contact with every person in your vicinity and smile at them in a way that lets them know that you are not a person that anyone should ever take seriously. You fail to notice that nobody has ever laughed at your “funny” pronunciation. This is illustrative of your general personality. Even when you say other things that actually are funny, you ruin it by being the worst.
Your biggest flaw is that you are the worst. Your other flaws include interrupting people, but especially women; talking too much about the bottle of vodka you totally killed with your buddies last weekend; and your inability to truly love anything.
Bone-uh Fee-day or Bone-uh Fye-dee or Bawn-a-fied
You don’t know how to pronounce bona fide and you refuse to settle on one consistent pronunciation. You’ve been afraid to pronounce words with confidence ever since your Grade 11 biology teacher humiliated you in front of the whole class for pronouncing infrared to rhyme with ensnared. You pronounce prima facie approximately thirteen different ways, just like everyone else in the Faculty of Law.
Your biggest flaw is fear of commitment. Say it loud and say it proud, my friend.