Ultra Vires


Top 10 Leading Law School Dating Laws

A list for which “dating” can mean whatever you want it to mean.

10. “Intra” is not the same as “inter.” All literate people should know that.

9. While a doctor spouse will always be the dream, law students, especially by their 2L year, should start accepting that a lawyer spouse is the reality. Realistically, a lawyer’s lifestyle is such that you probably won’t meet any more non-lawyers, ever. Law students who devote their entire social lives to attending Pub Nights will find this to be true already. [Editor’s note – we know you’re out there somewhere, FemmePG]

It is comforting to know that lawyers are generally intelligent, interesting, and compelling people. If you don’t believe that now, wait for what three years of law school goggles does to you.

On second thought, it’s probably better not to wait. The fallout from your failed intra-firm romance will be much more awkward and damaging to your career than your rejection at Pub Night.

8. At Pub Night, “do you want to dance?” is code for “do you want to date?” Which is too bad, because a lot of guys who ask that are just legitimately tired of the ‘dance in a circle with your friends’ routine after a couple of hours. Law students should be mindful: unless you intend to ask the second question, you may not want to ask the first.

7. Date a 3L. For two reasons: 1. they can be valuable mentors (there’s nothing quite like using the person you’re dating for personal and professional advancement) and 2. they’re gone in 2 months. If things go poorly, spiral out of control, and make you wish that you had never bought that drink on Pub Night, you only have two more months of seeing them multiple times each day. Much better than playing chicken (Who will lateral first?!) with an intra-firm ex. This rule may or may not be on this list following multiple desperate requests from lonely 3Ls.

6. Be realistic. Lawyers like to make arguments in court like: “You can’t prove that my client killed her. Even if you could, my client killed her in self-defence.” Like the lawyers they will eventually become, law students like to keep their options open. Unless you’re official, you’re probably not exclusive.

5. If you are dumped by your law school significant other, do not go to Pub Night the next night. Not only will she be there, she may also be talking to other guys. Not a good situation in which to be drinking. Some law students should apply this advice to the subsequent month. Or semester.

4. Want to pick up? Join the O-Week committee. Yes 1Ls, it’s time to face the fact that many of your leaders were there for that reason. What, you thought that upper year leaders joined out of a sense of community and a desire to mentor the next generation? Correct. That is what every one of them wrote on their questionnaire. Community-minded 1L should be very excited to become a part of this noble tradition this September.

3. Don’t even try to pretend that nothing happened between you and that person you hit on all Pub Night after a) you told your 3 “best law school friends” about it; b) you swore them to secrecy; c) you “shared a cab” with that person at 2:30 a.m.; and d) that person lives across the street from the bar. Law students are experts at deductive reasoning.

2. Be a guy. Because, from what my female friends tell me, there are far more eligible women in law school than men.  Like all law school males, I breathe a sigh of relief when I hear this refrain because I know that it just means that I have less competition.

1. Sarcasm and cynicism can only account for so much on a V-Day top ten list.

Every reader would agree that there are some pretty special and fantastic people in our law school. Valentine’s Day might be a contrived, tacky, consumerist excuse for a holiday…but there is still something wonderfully symbolic about it. February 14th is the perfect opportunity to tell a fellow law student how you feel. You shouldn’t need a top 10 list to tell you that. [Editor’s Note – You were being sarcastic and cynical this entire time??]

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