Ultra Vires


Law Students’ Shit Does Stink

Bora Laskin Law Library Washroom After 3L Uses
Bora Laskin Law Library Washroom After 3L Uses

And it sounds funny too!

Still flushed from the first round of exams, just the thought of writing finals has me pooped.  My social life having long gone down the crapper, I have recently spent a lot of time at my favourite centre table in Bora, pondering why the bathrooms even have walls at all.

Quite frankly, as stress mounts, it appears that law students’ bathroom etiquette has gone to shit.

There may be some confusion as to how one should go about using Bora’s bathrooms – understandably so, given the dearth of signage in the library.  Let’s review a few tips.

Don’t, under any circumstance, use the washroom after a 3L.  Like their class attendance and social prowess, their bathroom etiquette is on the decline.

Do lock the door.  You’ve worked hard to keep the goods under wraps the entire year, sloppy pub nights be damned!  Don’t void those efforts now by letting a lucky(?) classmate partake in some unexpected muffin madness.

Don’t underestimate the absorptive powers of toilet paper.  Time and time again, I hear the telltale sound of someone mummifying their hand.  This inevitably leads to overflowing toilets and dampens the otherwise effervescent personality of the custodian.

Do pee with purpose.  Those walls are paper thin, baby, and no one wants their stream to fall below the curve.

Don’t sit backwards, sidewise, diagonally or otherwise mount the toilet in any creative fashion.  Repulsive smears and splatters evidence some sort of strange new trend in toilet sitting that is more alarming than a missing lectern.

Do flush once, and do so with confidence.  I frequently hear several small, consecutive flushes.  This leads me to believe either that you are trying to cover the sound of something else (in which case, see the next tip) or that you lack conviction.  Per a recent CDO lunchtime workshop, no one hires a hesitant flusher.

Don’t assume that the first floor bathrooms are all-purpose.  Third small group assignment got you stress puking?  Regretting that Indian food you had for lunch?  Welcome to the Bora’s basement washroom, where you can excrete in relative privacy.

Recent Stories