Hi y’all! I thought I’d be a little self-indulgent this edition and include an article chronicling the typical thoughts I have on a daily basis. Thoughts that, in my opinion, are real gems. Have a read! Yeah, go on, have at it!
(Ok, I know what you’re thinking…something along the lines of “But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!” or “I’d rather be tied down to an anthill than read this junk.” Well tough noogies. It’s my section and I’ll do what I want with it (so long as Emilie and Patrick approve!) )
Why was the Cosby Show called the Cosby Show when the character that Bill Cosby portrayed was actually named Heathcliff “Cliff” Huxtable? Should it not have been called the Huxtable Show? Or should the character have been named Heathcliff Cosby? Anyway, that man loved sandwiches, am I right?
Why is Miss Universe always from Earth?
Why was Hanson bigger than the Moffatts? For one, the Moffatts had four brothers. That is one whole extra brother to love. Secondly, Hanson only really had MMMBop. The Moffatts had multiple hits, including Bang Bang Boom, Misery, Miss You Like Crazy, Girl of My Dreams, and I’ll Be There For You. And to top it all off, I’m 100% certain that Scott Moffatt was singing directly to me as he lay in that bed in the Girl of My Dreams video.
Peanut butter perfume. Think about it.
If I’m such a joiner so as to write for the school paper, can I no longer consider myself the James Dean of law school? And while we’re at it, why did the whole ‘Becky is the James Dean of law school’ thing never gain steam?
All arguments over the television remote would be solved by pronouncing the word remote like the word cayote. “Hand over that remoty”! Who could stay angry after that? I’m pretty sure this theory can be expanded upon to one day achieve world peace and end all hunger. You’re welcome, world.
The biggest movie injustice of all time is not when Jack dies at the end of Titanic. Nor is it when G Baby dies at the end of Hardball (so sad). Or when the league tells that other kid in Hardball that he’s too old to play, and then he goes and joins a gang (even sadder). Or when the referee tells the pitcher in Hardball that he can no longer listen to Big Poppa when he’s pitching (the saddest! Hardball is a really sad movie). No, it is none of these moments. The biggest movie injustice of all time occurs in Now and Then, when Roberta, the loveable tomboy who gets to play tonsil hockey with DEVON SAWA, grows up to be Rosie O’Donnell. Rude. (The ladies know what I’m talking about.)
Everyone should preface every story with the following: “this one time, at a reggae bar in Kathmandu….” From my experience, it doesn’t matter how downhill your story goes from there, your audience will be gripped. Cut to the few of you that are still reading this thinking “then how come this geek burger didn’t start this sorry excuse for a UV piece that way?” To this, I reply: Is it possible to call someone a geek burger without looking like a geek burger yourself? I think not. (Actually, I really hope it is, because geek burger is my number one used insult).
kBYE
