Ultra Vires


The Perks of Not Having a Summer Job or Articles

So you’re part of the half of your class who got shafted during OCIs and in-firms. If you’re truly special, you’re also part of the 10-15% of your year who didn’t secure an article by September. Contrary to popular belief that this demographic is properly the object of scorn or pity, not having secured a position is not the end of the world; neither is it the end of your career before its start, as someone actually had the gall to suggest to me. Yes, it sucks to be you, especially if you nourished high hopes of securing a seat on that gravy train, but there is a silver lining. You may not see it now, but you will! In the meantime, here are a few perks of being Unchosen:

  1. Fear is probably the greatest motivator. I may not have a job, but I have a knife hanging over my neck. Not knowing whether I’ll have secured a position by the time I graduate keeps me sharp.
  2. Uncertainty about the future is just opportunity in disguise! You could still be David Shore, or an investment banker or a “consultant.” Or, given the recent ban on foreign strippers, an exotic dancer (there must be demand).
  3. A plethora of life coaching: everyone has a theory of why you failed and how you might improve. You’re too monotone. You don’t wear enough make-up. You don’t smile enough; you smile too much. I’ve actually started dispensing advice to whomever I meet too, because, goddamnit, it’s satisfying. (If you can’t do, teach?)
  4. Damsel in distress: apparently women lawyers are intimidating and this turns most guys off. Do I milk the fact that I fail at law? Why, yes, I do, cowboy.
  5. The best spinner’s a winner, people. Lying to others and to oneself comes more and more naturally the longer you’re on the job hunt.
  6. The CDO becomes your new BFF. How many of your friends actually want to listen to you gripe about your endless and futile job hunt? (Take the hint: None of them do.)
  7. Being a 3L without an article is to be part of the most exclusive group here at UTLaw. And our numbers steadily decrease. We’re like an endangered species! And endangered things must be precious, right? (Right??)
  8. This is actually a great opportunity to evaluate your life goals. Or, so I hear. Never having accepted the initial rejection, I confidently continue to put introspection off for another day. (See #5.)
  9. Unfortunately, you are kind of robbed of the golden 3L year. On the upside, you get really good at writing cover letters and shit.
  10. Being in touch with the common folk: you can still hang out with your arts friends and complain about The Man.
  11. Your soul is still pure: you can go to Occupy Protests while your job-having classmates can’t (sellouts!).

Etc. etc.

Bottom-line: unemployment is cool. Why not enjoy it for a while?

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