Have you ever had this conversation:
A: Oh man why is that guy dressed like such a hipster?
B: What the fuck is a hipster?
While 3Ls likely have a good idea what hipsters are (see Gord Houseman, Matt Brown, Sam Yorke, and half the names in the student directory), many of us are still silently confused as to who or what exactly hipsters are. First, hipsters are hardly a self-defined group. Hipsters do not tend to self-identify as such. But they are only kidding themselves, for I (and now you too) will know who they are (and how best to avoid them if necessary).
So what exactly defines a hipster? Read on gentle soul and find out:
What Hipsters Wear – The Look
Hipsters are typically defined by hipster fashion, which, like most fashion, is in some degree of flux – it is hard to remain ahead of the curve when everyone else is riding that curve along with you (a problem the UofT hipsters know all too well).
That being said, hipster mainstays are still skinny jeans, deep vee-necks, tattoos, asymmetrical haircuts, beards or moustaches, a love for anything that pops up along Ossington Ave, shops at Lavish & Squalor, etc. In other words, hipster fashion is more or less ‘homeless chic’. Remember Derelicte from Zoolander? Like that – but replace high fashion with grunge. So going Kurt Cobain/Young Jack Layton seems to be what many hipsters are after, spending a lot of money and time and effort to look as unwashed and cheap as the grunge scene pulled off authentically.
Hipsters also tend to be gender neutral – men wearing tighter pants and wider cut shirts, and women wearing dress shirts, bowties and even drawing on mustaches. As a result, female hipsters tend to be lazy because they can just toss on dirty men’s clothes and call it a day. And of course toss on a pair of horn-rimmed or brow-line ‘Hipster’ glasses.
What Hipsters listen to – The Tunes
Hipsters have an affinity for obscurity and irony, and listen to music that no one else has ever heard of – or would even consider music. The more Indie, the better. Dubstep (see last month’s article in UV!) is popular among hipsters, but only Indie dubstep that’s only been heard in a dungy rave in Brixton. Also whatever is popular on Hype Machine. Yes, popular. Because even though being hipster is all about being counter-culture and anti-popular, being the most popular in a counter-culture is still being well-liked, which eventually leads to the artist being popular in the mainstream, which then makes it unhip. You know who’s the hippest artist around right now? Doesn’t matter, you probably haven’t heard of them.
What Hipsters Eat – The Mow
Hipsters can be found at the trendiest new restaurants in Toronto, from high-end Asian noodle bars (see: KintonRamen, Momofuku) to fancy taco joints (see: Grand Electric, Banh Mi Boys). Basically if it’s a trendy new place with chalkboard or cardboard menus featuring an array of pork belly, kale or quinoa, it’s a hipster mow spot. Be on the look out for exposed brick and repurposed wood furniture.
Where Hipsters Drink – The Chill
Check the West-end plethora of dirty, dive, and diva bars and clubs along Queen, College and Bloor. Hipsters also display a particular fetish for brown beverages, frequenting brewpubs and whisky spots to satisfy their needs. When the Hipster is sufficiently liquorfied, it makes its way into a bar you can’t find to listen to music you haven’t heard of. In the morning, without showering or brushing their teeth, the Hipster will make their way to the local organic artisanal coffee shop to sip away its bourbon-based hangover with some fair-trade drip, all while stroking its beard and admiring its comb-over through horn-rimmed glasses, occasionally glancing at a Vice magazine or obscure Russian literature.
Where Hipsters Live – The Locale
Traditionally hipsters are thought to live, sleep and not shave in the gutters of West Queen West/Parkdale, replacing what used to be heroin needle lined streets with local organic wheat grass. But recent reports have indicated that hipsters are spreading to other parts of the west end, including Roncey, The Junction, and even Mimico. Mimico! If the right combination of coffee shops, Korean tacos and comb-overs is right, the Hipster will go anywhere, like a fungus.
Non-exhaustive Factors Test
While each of these definitions are lacking in their own respect, one can be sure that if at least 3 of the 5 definitions are satisfied, then you’ve got yourself a hipster. Think of it as a really shitty Supreme Court test based on balancing factors (i.e. all SCC tests). The other thing to remember is that hipsterism, like a religious order, has varying degrees of orthodoxy. There is a range – from the blossoming hipster just buying their first dark-rimmed glasses or first vee-neck t-shirt, to the ultra-hipster, the hipster that knows they are a hipster but will never say it – because by affirming their own hipsterness they would simultaneously lose their ultra-hipster status. Such is the way of the hipster.
So now equipped with the knowledge of hipsters, you can proudly say “Fuck You, Hipster!” But of course they won’t know who you are or what you’re talking about because that’s just too mainstream.
