Ultra Vires


2L Job Found ESSENTIAL for Future Life Success

Last Friday, the Honourable Lynn Ferms was appointed to the Supreme Court of Canada, in a move that has been called the “crowning achievement” of the Prime Minister’s administration. In a press conference held immediately after the appointment, Ferms attributed her success “hundo p” to the fact that she was able to secure a 2L summer job.

“Cabinet put a lot of weight on my 40 years of service on the bench, the incredible wealth of legal scholarship I’ve created, and the fact that I basically solved the access to justice problem” Ferms stated as she accepted the nomination. “But to me, that one summer where I spent 12 hours a day alphabetizing tax forms and laughing at my mentor’s shitty jokes is totes the real reason I deserve this great honour.”

Some pundits questioned the statement, pointing out that the 2L employment process was mostly arbitrary and not a reliable indicator of legal or professional prowess, that every single student in Ferms’ class was nonetheless successful in acquiring employment the time they graduated, and that in any case, Ferms did not article at or have any further association with the firm she summered at. However, Ferms was adamant, stating that “My 2L job was legit the most baller thing to ever happen to my career.”

“The only things that even come close,” Ferms said, “are, like, my early mastery of the highlighter method, and all my hard work during Ethics Week. Also being gluten-free.”

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