Ultra Vires


10 Reasons to Date a Law Student

Brace yourselves. It’s that time of year when you’re about to be reminded of your forever alone status. Aka that girl you had to do a group project with in your 3rd year of undergrad? Yup, she just got engaged and humblebragging about it on Facebook, any store you walk into will be attacking your vision with hearts, flowers, rainbows, cuddly stuff, and any spa you go to get away from the stress of it all will have a couple’s package that you can’t choose. Turn on the radio and the radio gods hate you. Fear not, there is enough time from now until the Day That Shall Not Be Named that you can find a Significant Other and avoid going to bed with contempt for love and a bottle of “well-being” (formerly known as wine). UV is going to help you, yes YOU, dodge that bullet. The solution to all your problems lies somewhere between Falconer and Vic College. Date a Law Student. No, seriously. Dating a Law Student will be the best decision you’ve made and here’s why:

1. Free Legal Consultation Information

If you ever end up in a bind, your Law Student SO will have the legal information you need to get out of it (hopefully). And you don’t have to pay them for it, free legal help information? I think this speaks for itself.

*Law students are not authorized to give out legal consultations

2. They’re Rich…or Will Be Soon Enough

Even accounting for the massive amount of debt from law school, Law Students will be rich. They’ll eventually be lawyers and lawyers make money. Lots of it.

3. Attorney-Client Privilege

How does this relate to a non-legal relationship? Well, they know the rules and that means they know what you confide in them stays privileged. Your secrets are safe with them.

4. They Dress Well.

Have you ever heard of a poorly-dressed lawyer? No, because there has never been one. And lawyers are the evolved form of Law Students (who also are never poorly-dressed except maybe during exams but those don’t count).

5. They’re SUPER Busy.

Law students have a million things going on and will be pre-occupied with that. Too pre-occupied to be clinging to your very existence and suffocate you with their love. They’ll give you more than enough space to do your own thing and pursue your own interests.

6. Humblebrag Rights

If they’re in Law School, they are basically geniuses (or well, the real world seems to think so). This means that by association you are thought to be intelligent. Just mentioning your SO will give you automatic credibility. I.e. “My boyfriend, who’s in law school (at UofT) said…” gives the impression that you’re right by virtue of the Law Student’s authority on whatever the topic is. Win-win.

7. Open Bars

Law students attend many events…events with open bars…events where you can be their plus one. No further explanations, your honour.

8. They Hold Their Liquor

A result of attending so many open bar events is they have a high tolerance for alcohol. You’ll never have to worry about your Law Student SO spewing their inner contents onto your expensive cocktail dress because they can hold their liquor.

9. You’ll Sound Cultured

With all the old Latin terminology they use, you’re bound to pick up on it. You can then repeat it, and it just makes you look oh so very cultured and knowledgeable about worldly (albeit dead) languages.

*No need to be concerned about actually knowing what the words mean, chances are no one outside of law school will even know/care what it means.

10. Social Networking

No, not Facebook. I mean, Law Students actually network, like in the real world. This means that when you need someone to do something for you, they’ll probably know a friend of a friend whose sister’s boyfriend from high school could do the job for you. By the slim chance that they don’t know, it’ll take them about 0.24 seconds to network and find someone who can.

I could go on, but that would just be bragging or worse, pitching a sale (and I’ve worked in a call-centre so trust me when I say it is the devil’s job). So take my advice, find yourself a Law Student (shouldn’t be too difficult, I mean who else reads this rag?) and avoid the eternally-lonesome-scorned-lover-VDAY-hater title.

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