Ultra Vires


A Suit for Every Occasion

Aidan Campbell (2L) and Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L)

Never owned dress clothes before but still need to look sharp for the corporate recruit? We’ve got you covered. All you need is one grey suit, one red tie, and a single white shirt. Make it last!

OCI Day One: White shirt, classic. Flashy red tie, gotta stand out.

OCI Day Two: White shirt looking a little iffy under the arms, so what? Cut out the smelly parts, no one can tell in a jacket. Stuff toilet paper in your armpits to protect your jacket. Red tie again.  Not even your friends will notice you’ve worn the same thing twice.

Thank god you only get one in-firm.

Initial Tour and Sit Down: They probably saw fifty other people at OCIs. No way they remember or care that you’re in the same grey suit.

They’ve matched you with a mentor who is supposed to be your guide through the whole process. The only way to pull this off is if you can ditch ‘em. Make a vague allegation of harassment not quite rising to the level of a fireable infraction, but bad enough to ensure you get a different guide the next day.

Or, if that’s too cutthroat for you, try this: first thing when you see your guide the next day, comment on how they’re wearing the same outfit as yesterday. When they tell you they’re not, assure them they’re wrong. They will either believe you eventually or be too flustered to pay attention to your clothes. If that’s too cutthroat for you, you’re not cut out for this.

Dinner: Don’t change. Make them think you’ve been too busy meeting with other firms to make it home. Steal a fancy napkin to use as a pocket square tomorrow.

Evening: Some of the younger associates want to take you out. Cool, you’re really being courted. Sometime during the evening, steal one of their ties as part of a “magic trick.” Make it disappear. Do not give it back. Now you have two ties.

Day Two: Good news, you’ve got an email saying they want you back in to meet a couple more partners. Bad news, you passed out in your suit jacket, your shirt is covered in boozy sweat stains and your pants are missing.

Time for the ultimate power move: wear your jacket over any t-shirt, preferably printed. Find the nattiest jeans you own. If you have the misfortune of owning a trilby hat, add that in for good measure. Hope to god the lawyers you’re meeting see this as total outside the box thinking.

Call Day: The offer comes in. Congratulations! Your small act of rebellion has made you the most punk rock summer student Bay Street has ever seen.

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