In a last-ditch attempt to fund the donut budget, Ultra Vires has decided to start accepting classifieds for the low, low price of $1 per line. Email your ad by the print deadline to [email protected] for inclusion in next month’s issue!
Clubs:
The Bruce Chapman Appreciation Club is meeting every other Friday by the bust of Bora Laskin. The next three weeks topics are as follows:
“How does he keep his hair so well conditioned?”
“What is res ipsa loquitur?”
“Wait, isn’t he on sabbatical this year?”
Textbooks:
Selling Waddams on Contracts, 5th Ed. Light highlighting. Some underlining. Pages stained with tears from a sad and lonely 1L existence not understanding rescission. Find me sobbing softly by the bust of Bora Laskin every day except Fridays.
Lost and Found:
Lost: Motivation. Been missing since 2L. If you find it, return it to…or, you know what, keep it, you need it more than I do.
Found in the library: Student, aged approximately 19, carrying large stack of books with titles like “Implicit Differentiation of Enantiomers” and the “Stereochemistry of Elliptic Functions”. If this student belongs to you, please return her to her home faculty. She makes me feel dumb.
Lost: Kevin Schoenfeldt. Found: Weird alumnus lurking in the Diversions section.
Exploitative Labour Opportunities:
Still looking for someone to write 50% of the UV Diversions pages and to provide 90% of the funny. Also, Shari, our “news” editor, says we need “serious” pieces too. Email [email protected].
Missed Connections:
You were the 2L crying in the basement hallway. I was the 1L also crying in the basement hallway. I couldn’t see you that well through my tears, but maybe we could cry together next time.
Personals:
Hot singles in your area. Send HH Hammer maps and summaries if interested.
