Totally real news from around the law school
New building at 90 Queen’s Park worries UV editors
Ultra Vires editors are worried about whether the underground burrow in the basement of Falconer Hall that is the Ultra Vires office will be demolished for construction of a new building at 90 Queen’s Park. Many students interviewed were surprised to learn that UV had an office at all. “I thought that they were just mole people who disappeared underground”, said Trinity Woodsworth (0L).
Separately, law students were unsurprisingly indecisive over the planned building at 90 Queens Park. Several overheard muttering “on the one hand… on the other…” to themselves as news of the new building broke. No word yet if the next moot tryout will consist of a real estate zoning issue.
Mysterious white powder discovered in library
Police were called over mysterious white powder found in group study rooms at the Bora Laskin Law Library. Further tests revealed it was merely salt from teary-eyed law students. No confirmation yet if the salt was used as an opportunistic SNAIL deterrent.
In other news, a mysterious tunnel was discovered linking the basement of the Bora Laskin Law Library with the main Trinity College building. Entrepreneurial “pre-law” students were seen smuggling in navy sweatshirts with “TRINITY COLLEGE” in gold print as well as a mysterious white powder that your correspondent confirmed was definitely not salt.
Donations flood in for mental health resources
Ms. Yukimi Henry was seen jumping into a pool of cash Scrooge McDuck-style after donations poured into her department following Ultra Vires mistakenly reporting that 71% of law students indicated that they had a mental health condition (the actual number was 21%).
Glassless Society makes wine drinking accessible again
Announcement from the Glassless Society: Friends, it is time we rise up. For too long the shadowy cabal that is in vino veritas have twined their merlot stained fingers around every aspect of our school. I propose a new wine club—the Glassless Society: a wine club for the common law student by the common law student. Its members shall adhere to the following tenets:
- We will drink only red wine.
- We will use no glass, spittoon or bucket.
- All reviews will be point-first and in plain English. There will be no sommelier-ese. No discussion of mouth-feel or fruit-forwardness.
- No merlot.
- We will not drink any wine from a cork top bottle.
The first wine we will review is Mott’s Clamato Caesar: Pickled Bean.
