Totally real news from a socially distanced semester at the Faculty of Law
U of T Faculty of Law awarded the MESSY Cup
Always needing to prove its position as #1, the Faculty has earned the Most Earliest Scandal in the School Year (MESSY) Cup for the 71st year in a row. At a mindblowing nine days into the school year, the Faculty shattered their previously held record of 22 days. Due to strict confidentiality policies that the Faculty administration takes very seriously, we are not permitted to discuss the scandal in further detail. Unfortunately, because of COVID-19 restrictions, the usual MESSY Cup celebratory dinner, the Dean’s Cuisine, where students dine on dry bagels and mini muffins, will not be going forward this year. In lieu of a replacement event, the Faculty will be bringing in alumni to share their expertise, hosting Zoom webinars every lunch hour for the next three weeks on topics ranging from Managing Public Relations to Tax Law for Dummies.
Frenzied 2Ls flood supermarkets trying to find syrups to boost credit counts
After Cognomos course selection left too many law students with too few course credits, many had to get creative with finding a way to meet their credit requirements. Some looking to supplement their light course loads buckled up to face the challenge of competitive moots and directed research papers. Information about syrups soon spread throughout the student body, supposedly a magic cure-all that could boost the credit count of select courses. 3Ls were already acquainted with the syrup, and 2Ls set about to seek it out. A very upset manager at the Bloor Street Independent City Market said that her grocery clerks had been overwhelmed by hordes of anxious youths asking for “syrups for one credit.” They were only able to offer bottles of President’s Choice 100% Pure Maple Syrup, Canada Grade A Amber.
Complete eradication: invasive species gone from Bora Laskin Law Library, for now
SNAILS (students not actually in law school), the invasive species in question, have long plagued law school libraries. In the competitive Bora Laskin Law Library ecosystem, the effect of SNAILS has become increasingly salient over the years as they managed to gain a foothold. SNAILS have persisted despite various attempts at removal, from signage to intercom announcements during the exam period. That is, until the introduction of fob access to law school premises necessitated by the current global pandemic. Recent empirical studies (Gu et al., 2020) show that the law library has seen a 100 percent decrease in the local SNAILS population, however there is insufficient data to predict whether the population will bounce back after pandemic restrictions lift.
Faculty of Law makes landmark announcement: a new alumni-led pro bono program
A new pro bono program is underway, with Faculty of Law alumni uniting to give back to the community. Although few in number, they have pledged to dedicate over 200 hours over the year towards helping students file freedom of information requests in an effort to obtain more transparency into the law school’s inner workings. The program expects to attract wider interest as it scales up over the next three years; it is projected to attract over 30 alumni volunteers across Canada and over 170 student volunteers.
