Hey, at least it’s not workplace stress!
I vowed never to go back to school after finishing my graduate studies. Yet here I am, just a few years after working as an urban planner. Despite the academic stress we all inevitably feel, the weight on my shoulders has lessened considerably compared to when I was working earlier this year. With final exams fast approaching, I thought this was an opportunity to share my thoughts and hopefully ease some people’s stress. If anything, this piece will serve as a reminder of my positive state of mind in the event I fall into a never-ending spiral of anxiety later on.
The mountains of case readings, the terror of cold calls, seemingly smarter peers, grades on a curve, and not to mention the COVID-19 pandemic make none of this year easy. How can this not be stressful? It is, but I would like to offer my perspective on this stress.
I comfort myself in knowing that I am stressed because I chose to be here. I want to be better. I want to learn more. I am doing this for myself. And to me, knowing that any failure on my part only affects myself is a huge relief. Like many, my worst academic fear is an LP. However, I know how to avoid that: ask questions, study harder, discuss with peers, and etc. There are so many ways to prevent a poor outcome.
The same couldn’t be said for work. I worked in consulting with a dynamic similar to the legal profession. I remember there were days I went in prepared at 9 a.m. just to have my fully-planned work schedule thrown out the window because of some urgent client requests. I also remember when we headed into negotiations on behalf of our clients without anticipating the outcome. The uncertainty was nerve-wracking and there was nothing I could have done to mitigate that. The worst part was that I knew the outcome was not just for myself. I was working for my firm and my clients. Everything I did impacted them. A big enough mistake could create irreversible damage without remedy. The stakes were so much higher.
That world is not behind me. That overwhelming level of responsibility and accountability will undoubtedly return after law school. In the meantime, however, I am at ease. I am no longer kept awake at night worrying about how to approach my client the next day to let them know that there is no perfect solution to their problem, that we actually disagree with their opinion, or that we need an extension to their deadline. Now, I just need to finish my readings, prepare for the next class, and maybe embarrass myself a little when I can’t answer a question during the cold call. When I don’t receive the best grade for an assignment, I know I can improve on the next assignment or the final. I will have so many chances before graduation to make it work.
For the record, I loved what I did at work. Nonetheless, my craving for knowledge and intellectual challenge drove me here. If there is the added bonus to have a break from the overwhelming stress of work, then all the better. I would take academic stress over that any day. Let’s hope I actually remember this mentality after my final exams and begin a fresh semester.
