Your guide to the city we call home
Welcome back to the centre of the universe for all those returning to our wonderful city! For those of you who are in T.O. for the first time, have no fear! Ultra Vires is here with a comprehensive guide to Toronto, so you can make the most out of your new home.
Raccoons
Don’t touch them, they have rabies. While that may be true, I (Harry) think we also need to respect the fact that raccoons have managed to become an integral part of our city and its identity. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s the raccoons’ world and we’re just living in it.
The Drake Obsession
Full disclosure: I (Harry) am not a fan of Drake and I have written critiques in the past (a subtle plug, check out page 14 of Demo 13). As a result, I am *slightly* biased.
Ok, now that you know where I stand, let me just say I am over Drake. Yes, I recognize that Drake brought attention to the city in many ways from the Raptors to local artists. And yes, Drake has done what many Canadian-born stars rarely do, he’s actually stuck around. Drake has a permanent residence in Toronto (I won’t get started with how I feel about the design choices) and routinely visits the city, something that cannot be said for many Canadian celebrities who have since relocated south of the border. Drake has dominated headlines in Toronto for years and has even collaborated with the University of Toronto on a recent clothing line. I think Toronto needs to move on from their chosen one and rep some other hometown (or Toronto-based) names such as Charlotte Day Wilson, Daniel Caesar, Desiire, Zoon, or Moscow Apartment. Toronto is definitely not a one-trick pony and it’s time some of our other very talented residents got some love from the city.
Parkettes
Yes, that’s a thing. Not to be confused with actual parks, the City of Toronto defines a “parkette” as a park less than 0.5 hectares in area. It’s basically just a strip of grass. Maybe a bench, if you’re lucky.
The CN Tower
It’s tall. It’s shiny. It’s your new North Star (or rather, South Star). As long as you can spot this bad boy on the horizon, you should be able to orient yourself and find your way home. And speaking of stars, don’t expect to see many with the light pollution here. Harry’s take: Don’t pay $40 to go up a tall building. Just climb a 553m tall tree instead. (For legal purposes, Ultra Vires does not recommend anyone climb a 553m tall tree and accepts no liability for any loss or damage arising from doing so.)
Bagged Milk and the LCBO
While not specific to Toronto, both bagged milk and the LCBO are a whole new world for many out-of-province students. Most Ontarians seem to have fond feelings about one or both of bagged milk and the LCBO, and won’t hesitate to tell you about it. Pro tips: don’t cut too big of a hole in the corner of the bag, and don’t expect to go to the LCBO past 9 p.m.
Weekly Anti-Mask/Vax Protests
You’ve made it to the end of a long week. It’s Saturday, and you decide to reward yourself with a nice stroll. But wait … what’s that sound? Is that chanting? A megaphone? Oh no … that’s right. Our lovely city is home to a number of weekly recurring anti-mask and anti-vax protests. Our recommendation: avoid Queen’s Park, Yonge Street, and Bloor Street on Saturdays if at all possible.
Editor’s Note: Harry Myles was born in Toronto and has lived in the city for 21 years. Harry loves bagged milk and did not write that portion of the article. Shae Rothery is an expat Calgarian who is learning to appreciate Toronto more each day. Shae has been listening to Certified Lover Boy on repeat since it dropped, and doesn’t stand for the Drake slander.
