Totally real news from the Zoom School of Law
Welcome back to the Zoom School of Law
In an unfortunate turn of events, the Faculty has officially gone back to the wonderful world of Zoom. While this is not the preferred start to the year, at least we don’t have to trudge through 30 centimeters of snow to learn torts!
Printing exam notes leads to an unprecedented level of student cohesion
It turns out forcing people to print exam notes is the best way to rally the student body against the administration. Let’s use this momentum to get tuition down to a lean $25,000!
Surprise! Turns out offering hybrid learning isn’t that hard after all?
After the University announced the return to in-person classes, the Faculty quickly followed up with a plan to provide hybrid learning until the end of reading week. Despite refusing to offer this option throughout the fall semester, it seems like it’s actually quite easy to implement. Who would have thought?
2L student “devastated” they can no longer use “back in my day” trope with 1L mentee
A 2L student is reportedly upset they can no longer engage in the classic law school competition of who’s had it worse by recounting their Zoom war stories to their 1L mentee. Luckily, getting to the Zoom School of Law doesn’t require walking uphill both ways.
Stressed about impending recruit deadlines? Try brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand!
The Faculty has found an all-in-one solution to your law school woes! Brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand is guaranteed to remove the stress of 1L recruit application deadlines, the 200 pages of reading you haven’t had a chance to get to this week, and suppresses your hunger when you don’t have a chance to eat between back-to-back classes and mandatory lunchtime training sessions. It’ll even clear up the dark circles under your eyes from lack of sleep! Incredible!
