Totally real news from a fully in-person Faculty of Law
Breaking news: the Queen is alive and well
Students were shocked to hear of the passing of a reigning monarch this week but fear not! The Queen of U of T Law herself, Justice Rosalie Silberman Abella, is alive and well, spotted strolling on campus just last Tuesday.
Rumours of a student mutiny against the imminent reopening of Goodmans LLP Café
After 3,506 weeks of waiting for Goodmans LLP Café to reopen, it appears that its opening is just on the horizon. The administration has graciously provided free coffee in the meantime, sparking chatter and murmurs of a planned coup d’état to prevent re-opening. Stay tuned for updates on the inevitable crusade for free caffeine.
The most eager incoming class of 2025
The new 1Ls were reportedly scheduling coffee chats with upper-years six weeks before orientation and are now chatting up every 2L, 3L, and 4L that they see in the hallways. Upper-years are reportedly unaccustomed to communicating outside of Zoom but are happy to oblige in sharing their law school complaints with uninitiated students.
Goodbye entertainment law, hello Hegel
Students wave goodbye to some of their most beloved courses this year, in what feels like the most scant of course offerings in recent years. Good thing no last-minute course changes were made!
Another year, another “Acceptable” schedule
Hundreds of students gather outside the Faculty for the yearly candlelight vigil for the passing of their ideal schedule, as their “Great” boxes are once again swept away in the current of an advanced Nobel Prize-winning platform. Consider yourself lucky if you were assigned more than 15 credits.
Pestilence returns after an all-too-brief reprieve
SNAILS (students not actually in law school) are once again prevalent around Jackman, as key fob access has been relaxed. After all, nothing good can last forever. Watch out, your favourite corner of the library may be occupied by a second-year engineering student! Exercise extreme caution, reports suggest a recent sighting of an unattended organic chemistry textbook in the Fishbowl.
Adiós! Au revoir! Ciao!
This semester marks the lowest number of students actually returning to campus in decades in what appears to be a mass exodus for fairer weather, more exotic law schools, or perhaps simply in search of better coffee. Too bad they can’t escape U of T Law tuition at their host universities!
