Totally real news from a stressed-out Faculty of Law
Intra Vires declares victory over SNAILS
With the recently posted signs outside of the library’s group study rooms declaring the rooms “FOR LAW STUDENTS ONLY,” Intra Vires triumphantly announces final victory over the invasion of SNAILS (students not actually in law school) who have been plaguing the Jackman Law Building for the past three months. With the addition of signs in front of the coffee and tea station stating, “RESERVED FOR FACULTY OF LAW COMMUNITY MEMBERS,” these authors finally rest and watch the sun rise on a grateful universe.
Law students’ next step: territory expansion
Buoyed by the above-mentioned victory, law students are setting their sights on a territory expansion. Now that the home base is secure, law students are looking to study and pull all-nighters in more exotic locales. While Robarts remains far down the list of possible future conquests, rumour has it that the Rotman and Criminology buildings also offer free snacks and luxury amenities. Onward ho!
SLS to host Halloween do-over with library’s new sun lamps
Missed the SLS Halloween Party? Love the bright lights of the Atrium? Want to dance in a space that is inextricably linked to the feeling of school? If you answered yes to all of the above, the SLS’s next event is perfect for you! In a throwback to a certain brightly lit Halloween night, the SLS will be hosting their next school dance with all the lights in the building on, plus the library’s new sun lamps shining in your face. There’ll be enough vitamin D to tide you over until spring.
Diversions section to sell Verified badges for $10.73 CAD
Following the footsteps of self-made genius billionaire entrepreneur business daddy Elon Musk, who personally coded all of Twitter himself, the Diversions section is now offering Verified badges to any UV writer who pays $10.73 CAD (no foreign exchange fees required). The iconic checkmark will appear next to your author credit, and you will be allowed to publish anything you want. Journalistic integrity in Diversions? Never heard of her. This is comedy, people!
All I Want for Christmas…is…
Youuuuuuuuu… to reply. After winning best costume at Halloween for their ghosting, and of course, never to be outdone, rumor has it that this Christmas the lack of prompt replies will be on theme with the Ghost of Christmas Past! As if we weren’t already haunted enough by the most pre-eminent Christmas ghost telling us what she wants for Christmas every year. Are those sleighbells I hear in the distance?
When you wish upon a star
As American Thanksgiving has come and gone, the Christmas countdown officially starts! Students may once again hang their stockings, put up their trees, sip hot cocoa, and make fervent prayers to the law school gods to shine down upon you. When asked what kind of offerings the students put up for the best chance at HHs, the most popular combination by far was: gingerbeer, a cricket ball, and a bucket of old oats. Mix the three together vigorously for the best results, they say!
