Totally real news from a hot and spicy Faculty of Law
Empty halls breathe new light into Faculty of Law
You may have noticed more spacious and brighter halls as you wander the Jackman building this semester, and you may have thought to yourself: “wow, did Jackman get an upgrade?” The cool drafts and the emptier classrooms may have you thinking that something was done to improve the building over the summer. Alas, it is only the mass migration of outbound 3L snowbirds that have made Jackman feel slightly larger. Enjoy it while it lasts—most exchange students will be back by January.
U of T highly regarded for continuing to provide an intensive program on conflicts of interest
The University of Toronto Faculty of Law continues to provide each and every law student with an immersive experience in managing conflicts of interest. At least once every three years—to ensure each wave of students get the training—the Faculty of Law will provide an exciting surprise experience where students can try their hand at handling a conflict of interest. If you are in 3L and haven’t experienced one yet, don’t worry! A situation will soon be coming for you this year that will really test your ability to resist temptation. The Faculty is proud to uphold this marvelous tradition, and hopes that its students will continue to enjoy each upcoming intensive session.
Seances held in U of T Law: desperation reaches an all-time peak
Recently, upper year students have been spotted conducting seances in the atrium. Candelabras, floor-length robes, and a baby goat were brought in to Jackman on the first day of school as a part of the students’ desperate bid to get in touch with the Student Services Team. Students were reportedly chanting, “please return our emails,” and “I’m still not added to the Admin Law Quercus page” in Latin. Results of this endeavour have apparently been varied, as usual.
Office of Student Services is highly upset with ongoing seances
The Office of Student Services has been frantically calling for all students to “stop holding seances please,” and that they are “tired of being teleported to the atrium.” The latest scrambled email from the office has been deciphered by UV to read “Ouija boards…wholly inappropriate…for communicating…issues with Cognomos.” Please stay tuned, as a correction email will likely follow.
Internet tips and tricks on how to save more money this year on tuition
Tuition may have gone up yet again, but don’t fret! We have scoured the internet for viral hacks to pad your wallet this upcoming year. Here are some of the best ways to save based on the latest internet research, featuring what is known as “girl math”: first, since you didn’t accept your other law school offer and pay their tuition, this means that you are actually $25,965.30 richer! Put that straight towards this year’s fees, and tuition will be discounted by more than 50%, making it basically free. And if all of this doesn’t work, you can still use your line of credit, which allows you to pay using the bank’s money, not your own! Bonus tip—true web experts will also know the secret technique of paying off tuition with a gift card to really maximize your hard-earned summer stipend.
Goodmans Cafe closed down from pure cringe
Finding the U of T Law energy to be “not bussin’” and “mildly cringe” upon the return from their COVID sabbatical last year, it seems as though our beloved Goodmans Cafe has closed for good. Students are hopeful though that the Cafe’s replacement, Terima, will survive that initial vibe check. No doubt students will be lining up on September 27 for that sweet, sweet caffeine hit.
Class of 2026 1Ls decide to out-1L the previous 1Ls
Upon learning that the previous year’s gunners were networking with every 2L, 3L, and 4L that they could find as soon as classes started, this year’s 1Ls decided to do one better and just straight up participate in the 2L recruit. A delegation of 1Ls have allegedly been visiting each of the Bay Street firms to provide their respective recruiting teams with a 90-minute business analysis on why they should be allowed to participate in the upcoming OCIs. Rumors suggest that one especially ambitious 1L was sending in their articling applications during these meetings.
