Find out your fate for all Hallow’s Eve and beyond
I’m a festive person, and as a seer of divine truth, I have a particular fondness for Halloween, when the veil between worlds is thinnest. To honour this most spooky time of year, this article’s theme is “What your classic Halloween costume should have been based on your horoscope!” Although it’s too late to run to Party City and grab new garb, hopefully this guidance will help make your Halloween more treat than trick.
Aries – Disney Princess: Recently, you’ve been posing as someone polished and poised who can make woodland animals do their bidding with just a song. The catch is that there’s almost no trace of the real you in the façade you’re projecting. No costume better matches this description than a Disney princess: perfect but two-dimensional. Perhaps this front you’re putting up makes life seem easier. But I promise, if you can be brave like Merida, bold like Moana, or soooo quirky™ like Belle, you’ll find that the benefits of letting the real you shine through far outweigh the perks of being universally palatable.
Taurus – Legal Pun: You’ve been flourishing academically this term, so your perfect costume would be an obscure legal pun (Miss Trial?). Even though it’s great to do great, unfortunately, it can inspire frenemies to hope that you’ll answer an on-call wrong or LP your next assignment. Don’t sweat these NPCs: success inevitably grates on the less-successful. Just stay grounded, stay focused, and stay on that sigma grindset. Haters can hate, meanwhile you’ll HH.
Gemini – Witch: Lately, people have been talking over you, ignoring your great ideas, and generally brushing you off—and you’re (rightfully) sick and tired of it. That’s why it’s time for you to tap into your well of inherent power, like a classic broom-riding witch. It will be hard for people to brush you off when you blast them in the face with thunderbolts/speak up for yourself! While you’re living your bad-witch fantasy, I’ll keep your floating bubble warm for when you’re ready to be a sparkly pink good witch again.
Cancer – Vampire: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, so I’ll throw ‘the stars’ under the bus for this one. The stars are saying that, like a vampire, you’re being a little draining on the people around you lately. Whether it’s talking your friend’s ears off about the situationship that is definitely never going official or whining about how you barely got any OCIs, you’re asking for a lot of emotional labour that, like their life-sustaining blood, people can’t supply indefinitely. Maybe try listening instead of talking, and being positive instead of sucking (get it?)(sorry).
Leo – Pirate: It’s time for you to get your bag. This season is going to be your chance to hustle and build a foundation for material success that will last you well into next year. Much like the seafaring pirate, you shouldn’t feel like you have to play too nicely in your pursuit of booty: sometimes you have to throw elbows to get the gold. Just don’t lose sight of your true crewmates in the process: uncovering a lost cache of Spanish silver dollars isn’t half as fun when you have no one to spend it on parrots with.
Virgo – Ghost: Something important in your life ended recently, and you’ve been feeling like a shadow of your former self. Just know that it’s all going to be okay: the cycle of life and death brings new beginnings as well as endings. Embrace this period of rebirth and cut some eyeholes in a sheet to get in the spirit! (Just don’t forget a mouth hole for breathing and other activities. Like eating. Why, what were you thinking?)
Libra – Overdone Pop Culture Costume: Some costumes have been done to death, like Mean Girls, Scooby Doo, Barbie and Ken…(this article was a long-con for me to vent about costumes I’m tired of seeing on TikTok). What do you and these costumes have in common? You’re stuck in the past! Whether it was a bad breakup or an assignment you thought you nailed that you flopped, you have to move on. The future is bright and the world doesn’t stop for anyone, especially not for the emotional equivalent of a Thing 1 and Thing 2 costume.
Scorpio – Too-Soon Couple’s Costume: You’ve been feeling like taking risks lately, and what could be riskier than asking the person you’ve gone on three dates with to do a couple’s costume? Think of the thrill as their eyes widen when you suggest that the two of you dress up as an inseparable duo like peanut butter and jelly, Romeo and Juliet, or Taylor Swift and a private jet. If you end up getting married, you’ll think it was cute that you were so invested so early on. If you end up mutually ghosting each other when you realize you have deeply incompatible views on Joe Rogan, make sure to scrub the pictures from your Instagram.
Sagittarius – Skeleton: You’ve been feeling empty lately, like something is missing. Skeletons are missing many things, like their skins, and their kidneys. I don’t know what your missing piece is, but the stars want you to pursue it. Tell that special someone how you feel, or write that novel, or buy that little treat you’ve had your eye on that will definitely fill the gnawing void where your heart should be (at least until you see the next little treat).
Capricorn – Alien: You’ve had your head in the clouds the last little while, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Like an alien, you’re seeking something far beyond the world you know, challenging yourself, and exploring the final frontier of your potential. Don’t forget, though, that to some, the alien is synonymous with the unwelcome, and not everyone wants a spot in the saucer. Don’t mind those Earth-dwellers, however: keep your eyes on the stars and you just might land among them.
Aquarius – Lingerie with Animal Ears: Your vibe right now is sexy and carefree. There’s no more fitting costume for that mood than lingerie with literally any pair of animal ears. Some people might call you basic, but only the boring ones who want a gold star for their “clever” (unbearable) word-play costumes. Bask in the warmth of your inner fire, and don’t let any wet blankets put you out.
Pisces – Mummy: Feeling overwhelmed? Like you’re buried in obligations? Like you’ve been wrapped in layers of cloth, entombed in a sarcophagus, and tucked under a million-ton pyramid? Your costume should have been the humble mummy. If you don’t believe your concerned friends and family, believe the fates: you need to unburden yourself. Unwrap that gauze, brush off the scarabs you’ve been cuddling with, and remember to look on the bright side of things. Life isn’t only about responsibility! Have some fun and party like it’s 1999 (BCE).