Subjecting NFL players to the Faculty of Law’s grading scale
Coming into 1L, I was nervous that my classmates would be nothing like me. Would they spend their Sundays rotting in bed, watching their favourite football team let them down week after week like I do? Would the word ‘encroachment’ remind them of a 5-yard penalty or of Professor Lee’s lecture on the ancillary powers doctrine? Would people even know what an Octobox is?
Luckily for me, I quickly found out that the Faculty of Law hosts a considerable number of devoted football fans just like me. During the Open House, I shook hands with Seahawks fans, a Patriots fan, and (to my awareness) the only Titans fan outside the state of Tennessee. After collecting a few classmates who seemed interested, I volunteered to start a 1L Fantasy Football League.
Seventeen weeks of split-screening readings with Redzone has taught me much about football, and I intend to share my findings. Ultra Vires has always been an important repository of recruit numbers, pressing issues, and sound advice for succeeding in law school. But do you know what’s more important than all of that? That’s right—Fantasy Football. Below, I have graded some notable NFL players based on their Fantasy Football performances over the past season.
LP – Christian McCaffrey
Christian McCaffrey is the upper-year who racked up Hs in 1L and then burnt out during their summer job. “CMC” was dominant in the season prior and remained poised for success in San Francisco’s offence. Many Fantasy Football managers came into this season with McCaffrey as the clear first-overall pick. On the other hand, McCaffrey came into this season with a secret case of bilateral achilles tendonitis. Not cool, man. That would have been nice to include in the disclosure package. Managers who took McCaffrey suffered a surprise nine-week delay to his season debut. When he eventually retook the field, he wasn’t his former self. He put up four subpar performances before blowing his PCL and sitting out the rest of the season.
Note to self: take care of yourself during the off-season. Aidan Laubscher (1L), who drafted McCaffrey in the 1L Fantasy Football league, was blindsided by McCaffrey’s injury and finished in last place. As punishment for finishing last, notwithstanding Sections 7 and 12 of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms (I read Ford), he will be rewriting a mock LSAT. Maybe McCaffrey can put his Stanford education to good use and help Aidan get back into the swing of Logical Reasoning.
P – Marvin Harrison Jr.
Marvin Harrison Jr. came into this season as the hotshot, K-JD 1L who breezed through undergrad. “Maserati Marv” was a superstar during his NCAA career. He was the rookie to watch after being slotted into Arizona’s offence with the competent (but vertically challenged) Kyler Murray at quarterback. However, Harrison Jr. did not enjoy the same dominance he did in college. That’s not to say he was bad. A P, after all, indicates strong performance. From a Fantasy Football perspective, Harrison Jr. put up a few solid outings, but was somewhat inconsistent. In the 1L Fantasy Football League, I traded Harrison Jr. to Sid Sidhu (1L) midway through the season for a package of Zay Flowers and Jameson Williams. What a fleece. Harrison Jr. was not a game-changer for his new fantasy team manager, who failed to make the playoffs.
Drafting rookies in Fantasy Football is always a gamble. Law students know the plight of rookies all too well. Like every 1L going through federalism for the first time, Marv is adjusting. The only difference is I’m not making $800k a year to read the Greenhouse Gas Reference, which is a shame considering how many times I’ve read it. Maybe fantasy team managers like myself shouldn’t have expected instant success. A P is all you can really ask of him. Give the kid some time and he’ll be up in the Hs.
H – Jerry Jeudy
Jerry Jeudy is the student who sits in the back and quietly aces the course. He had a sneaky-good fantasy season, finishing as the 11th ranked wide receiver this year. Jeudy put up consistently solid performances in the back half of the season as the top weapon on the Cleveland Browns. He battled through multiple quarterback changes and eventually balled out with the lovable Jameis Winston as his play caller. He was also the beneficiary of former teammate Amari Cooper’s shipment to the Buffalo Bills, which resulted in an increased target share. Despite all this, Jeudy was barely talked about in the Fantasy Football scene. In the 1L Fantasy Football League, Jeudy single-handedly dug Alex Kouri (1L) out of last place, earning Jeudy a very honourable H.
The big takeaway from Jeudy’s season: wide receivers don’t need a perfect quarterback situation to produce. Being the top weapon for a shaky quarterback results in a boatload of targets. Screen plays, checkdowns, and short slot routes are all in the playbook for quarterbacks with smaller arms, and are go-to options for teams playing from behind. This can result in consistent point production, especially in Full-PPR league formats.
HH – Saquon Barkley
Saquon Barkley is the talented upper-year who finally got himself into the right study group. Barkley made the move from the New York Giants to the Philadelphia Eagles in the off-season. Some managers were worried about Barkley’s involvement in the Eagles’ stacked offense, featuring mobile quarterback Jalen Hurts. Those worries were put to bed early. Barkley was unstoppable behind the stout Eagles offensive line, finding gaps and routinely breaking out for huge gains. Even with Jalen Hurts’ signature “tush push” siphoning points away, Barkley finished as the top-ranked running back with a handful of 30+ point outbursts. He was the star student of this year’s class. Unfortunately, his MVP performance was not enough to carry Caleb Lakhani (1L) to the playoffs.
Saquon Barkley is living, breathing, and 700lb-squatting proof that working in New York isn’t the best fit for some people. Barkley’s time with the Giants yielded decent Fantasy Football seasons, but it should have been obvious that he would see improvement playing behind Jeff Stoutland University. Pay attention to trades and free-agent signings, as they may indicate a player’s fantasy production will increase or decrease. Sometimes, players need to find the right environment for them to thrive (this isn’t entirely about football).
Closing Remarks
Fantasy sports leagues are a great way to build community and take minds off of the brutality of law school. If you’re a sports fan, give it a try! Additionally, I would be remiss not to congratulate Jordan “Gubes” Guberman (1L) for his victory in the 1L Fantasy Football League. Gubes entered the playoffs as the 8th seed and made a miracle run thanks to savvy waiver-wire pickups and his superstar QB, Lamar Jackson. Gubes will be taking home $440, which will supply almost one whole week’s worth of his coffee addiction.