Totally real news from a totally back to the dark ages law school!
Intra Vires Support: The Five Stages of Getting a P
Denial: Impossible. I was first in my undergrad class! Anger: The professor just doesn’t understand my genius. How dare they!? Bargaining: If only I had done that Winter 1999 exam… Depression: I guess I’ll just drop out now. Nobody will hire me now. Acceptance: “P is a great grade.”
Is Grade Release Not Humbling Enough? Never Fear. The 1L Recruit is Here!
If your ego managed to survive grade release, do not worry. The 1L recruit will be sure to bring you back down to earth. Forget trying to be in the top 15% in at least one of your courses, try being in the 5% that manages to land a position. Not to mention the 1L class this year is larger than average while the number of positions are declining… Everyone always thinks they’re special but don’t worry, you’ll still be special in your own way.
CO-PILOT MAYDAY! Regulators Caught in Controversy!
You may have heard that the number of plane crashes has been increasing of late. Well, it seems U of T Law has been caught in the fray. Damage has been quite extensive, with the crash initiating a controversial new policy. However, many urge regulators to focus on the role of mechanical failures rather than user error. They point to the heavy burdens pilots already face and wonder if this new policy will push them to their breaking point.
Ever Wondered What Exam-Writing was Like Before the Advent of Technology?
Administration has decided to give U of T Law students the unique experience of a lifetime you thought we had evolved past! It’s back to the dark ages we go! Who needs access to their hard drive when the best hard drive is inside your head? Forget computer files—have the time of your life organizing binders and tabbing all your essential documents. Worries about excessive paper use have been greatly exaggerated—the Income Tax Act is a lean 3671 pages!
Saucy Intruder Spotted in the Medicine Garden
Astute observers will have noticed a fox frequenting the Medicine Garden. Rumour has it that the fox is a descendant of the infamous beast featured in Pierson v. Post, and has eagerly tuned into the debate between Professors Essert and Fernandez about the true meaning of the decision.
Like Swimming with Sharks? You’re in Luck, Clerkship Applications are in Session!
If you thought the 2L recruit was tough, the clerkship recruit is here to show you that it was child’s play. For those who survived 1L without being drastically humbled, the clerkship recruit will certainly do the trick. Unconfirmed reports indicate that a Distinction student may strike out…
CULPRIT STILL AT LARGE—INTRA VIRES NEEDS YOUR HELP!
WANTED: FAILED AI USER. Intra Vires is offering a reward for any information leading to the capture of the AI user in question. We promise we won’t hurt you, we just want to talk. We’re not upset, we’re just disappointed you were caught.