My reflections on law school friendship
When I was getting ready to start law school a few years ago, I would constantly hear about how many people meet their best friends for life (BFFLs) in law school. These sentiments made me really excited to get to know everyone in my class, but they also created a lot of pressure on me to try really hard at making friends…whatever that means. Much to my dismay, as hard as I did try to build my budding law school friendships at the outset of 1L, I encountered quite a few ups and downs. Since I had internalized everything I had heard about making friends, I felt incredibly upset and anxious when things didn’t really work out as I envisioned. U of T Law is a cliquey place, making it easy to feel isolated when you don’t have a big group of friends. If you are one of the many people who are lucky to have such a group, then I, for one, am jealous of you, but you’re also not my target audience.
When I was struggling with friends in 1L (and honestly, throughout the entirety of my time here), I would often try to find comfort in telling myself that I can be a ‘lone wolf’ and learning to be content with my own company. That’s much easier said than done though, and I would frequently find myself crying as I walked from the school to the subway at the end of the day (which was not very lone wolf of me, I admit). If you are someone who is struggling with making friends, or feels that all of your connections are surface-level, like I did, I truly hope you can feel less alone and know that it will get better. Or at the very least, you will learn to deal with it better.
Since 1L, things have improved friendship-wise in a lot of ways, but in many ways, they have stayed the same. Thankfully, I hardly ever cry over friends these days and I have made some really great connections with people who I hope I will keep in touch with after I graduate in a few months. But I still am not part of any large tight-knit group, which I have finally come to be okay with, and even happy about.
My perspective on friendship is one of the ways I think I have grown the most in law school, and it’s probably more important to me personally than many of the academic skills I have developed. I have recognized that in life, friendship ebbs and flows—you may be extremely close to someone for a period, and then both move on in your lives. As much as I still grieve the friends from whom I have grown apart, or the ones I wish I could have deeper bonds with, friendship is not necessarily easy (and again, if it has been for you, you’re probably not my target audience here). I learned the hard way that no one has to be your friend, and maybe it will feel like no one wants to be. So, if you have a bunch of pals, don’t take them for granted. And if you’re struggling to make friends in law school, remember that although it feels all-consuming, try to remember school is only one aspect of your very expansive life and hang out with normal people (who are not in law school). From my experience, putting pressure on yourself and overthinking all of your interactions is not going to be helpful or healthy. Also: it’s perfectly fine to spend lots of time alone (I still do). While law school is probably a great place for a lot of people to find lifelong friends, it’s okay if you’re still searching.