So much sauce, I’m slipping and sliding.
Do you have concerns, questions, thoughts that keep you up late at night—well so do I. Do not contact me.
Hi Intruder,
I have a fat friend crush on a fellow 3L. Our interactions started this year as a coffee chat, which turned into frequent chats at the call to the bars and now, we’ve finally exchanged numbers.
I’ve tried to play it cool to not divulge my friend crush too easily. I can’t have them think I’m a loser. They’re so cool. I frequently check up on their social media accounts (mostly LinkedIn), plan out my texts to them well in advance, and (purposely) bump into them in the hallways. But unfortunately, the friendship hasn’t quite materialized. With the year about to end, I want to transition us from a law school acquaintanceship to a real-life friendship.
– Smithen
Hi Smithen,
Are you sure this is just a friend crush? I have to tell you—based on what you’re describing, I’m leaning toward real crush territory here. When your heart skips a beat when you see them in the hallway or when your text conversations seem to last longer than they should—it’s the start of something more. You might be in deeper than you realize.
Friend crush or real crush, the dilemma remains the same. How do you level this situation up?
Start with something lukewarm—sit with them in the fishbowl. While you might not get any studying done, you might “accidentally” brush elbows under the watchful eye of Cecil “Caesar” Wright. Then, take it further by inviting them to a non-law school activity. And no, coffee isn’t sufficient (coffee chats are the most unsexy thing you could do with someone). Saucy suggests cocktails, brunch, or a pottery class (recreate Ghost). And then, seal the deal by sending them memes (nothing screams intimacy louder than shared brain rot). Keep this going indefinitely, that’s how friendships are formed.
Stay smitten!
Dear Saucy Intruder,
I run a well-established club at the law school. Recently we’ve come under some litigious fire for publishing “defamatory” content about another member of the student body. She claims the content will harm her future legal career (except, I don’t think she has to worry about that because she’s taking over her parents’ firm). Will her libel claim be successful? Please advise me as if I was your client.
Thank you,
LLB (Legally in Big trouble)
Hi LLB,
This sounds suspiciously similar to my torts exam. I got an LP on that exam, so I’m not sure you want to ask me for advice. But my answer is: it depends!
Your options are as follows:
1. Deny everything: Just say you’ve never heard of defamation. What are they going to do—cold call you on it?
2. Argue that is the truth. (anti-)SLAPP them—argue that they’re SLAPPing you!
3. Seek an out-of-court settlement: Perhaps an offering of law school pizza will make this problem disappear.
If all else fails, or if you don’t want to do any of these, you should do what the co-Presidents of every other club do—let the next year’s executive team deal with it! I hope you’re graduating or staying far away from this club in that case.
Stay sued!
Hey Saucy,
A dear—I would go so far as to say, the most dearest—friend of mine told me that they thought I got an LP in Legal Research and Writing in 1L. How I respond? For context, we’re both in our 4L, so they’ve held onto this belief for years.
Kindest of regards,
Allegedly Illiterate
Dear Illiterate,
First of all, I admire your restraint in calling this person a dear friend instead of immediately serving them with a defamation notice. Truly, you embody the spirit of professionalism.
I recommend hitting them back with the “That’s crazy. I heard you got an LP in Legal Methods.”
Stay stupid!
Editor’s Note: It’s okay to get an LP! It just was not this individual!