As law students, it’s often our default to shame ourselves into working hard. Chances are, many of us have gotten this far by constantly reminding ourselves that we haven’t done enough yet, that our efforts aren’t quite good enough, and that we can always do more. We pick and prod at our perceived weaknesses and devote all our inner resources to fixing them. Or we look at our peers and measure ourselves against them and often find ourselves lacking. So, we pick and prod some more.
Often, we’ve spent so long beating ourselves down for our perceived faults, failings, and shortcomings that when we do win, we can hardly enjoy it. Instead of experiencing pride, fulfilment, and reward, we feel momentary relief from the insurmountable pressure we’ve placed on ourselves. And before long, that pressure returns because we keep moving the goalpost forward for ourselves. One conquered challenge is quickly replaced with another, and so the cycle of proving ourselves continues in a seemingly never-ending cycle of pressure, doubt and criticism.
Often, we are afraid that if we ease up on ourselves, we won’t perform as well—everything will fall apart, we’ll lose our discipline, and the fragile thread holding everything together will snap. After all, we’ve gotten this far by being this way. Or maybe we’ve come to accept feeling less than optimal, convincing ourselves that once we achieve that one big thing, then it will finally stop. (Spoiler alert: it won’t). Your environment, your address, and your tax bracket might change, but you will always carry yourself with you wherever you go. The way you treat yourself now will likely be how you will continue to treat yourself in the future.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. We are afraid that if we stop berating ourselves, things won’t work as well—but that’s only because we’ve never given ourselves the chance to experience an alternative. We’ve spent so long doing things one way that it’s hard to imagine there could be another way. But there is.
Being hard on yourself might get results in the short term, but simultaneously, it chips away at your self-esteem, creates self-imposed limitations, and makes you feel unworthy of celebrating your own strengths and successes. It blinds you to your own greatness and prevents you from discovering the unique gifts that you have to share. You might even be operating under the delusion that you have nothing special to share—nothing could be farther from the truth. It only deprives the world of those gifts. Ironically, it even prevents you from recognizing your true weaknesses—because when you operate from a place of self-judgment, you can’t see yourself clearly.
Life is one of trying and testing. It will often require you to take a chance on yourself. But that’s difficult to do if the voice in your head is constantly telling you that you aren’t quite good
enough. That voice doesn’t just appear during high-stress times—it represents the way you relate to yourself all the time. If you pay attention to yourself, you will often notice that you likely give yourself a hard time not just in school but also in your relationships, your personal growth, and in every aspect of life.
Here’s the thing, you will get much farther and enjoy the journey of your life far more if you become your own biggest fan. We often work harder and with more joy to prove the goodness that someone else sees in us than we do to disprove the bad. As you move forward in life, the most important person that needs to see your goodness is you. You need to be able to encourage yourself. You need to become your own biggest fan.
You can hold yourself accountable, not from a place of fear but from love. Choose devotion instead of discipline. Devotion to self means that you work hard because you deserve to see yourself shine at your brightest. It means taking care of yourself because you believe you are someone worthy of care. It means allowing yourself to rest because your body is worthy of respect. It means applying yourself fully to whatever you set your mind to because you believe you have what it takes to achieve everything you dream of. Loosening your grip doesn’t mean you will drop the ball. You may discover that a looser grip gives you more flexibility, more fun, and might even make you a better player.
You deserve to be encouraged by you. You deserve to believe in yourself. Don’t deprive yourself of your own companionship. Many of us don’t realize that we walk through life with our own worst enemy inside us. Berating yourself will get you as far as your next goal until it doesn’t. Eventually, the weight of your own harsh judgement will begin to diminish your joy in life and your passion for what drives you. You may already be experiencing this right now. And yet, it doesn’t haven’t to be this way.
Many people will count you out before you even get a chance to try. Many people will decide you are not worthy of your ambitions. Many people will believe you don’t deserve the success you have. Don’t be one of them.
The most important person who needs to believe in you, is you.
Ask yourself every day: what would I do if I was someone that believed in myself? How would I treat myself? What thoughts would I have? How would I handle this situation differently? What opportunities would I go for instead? How would I relate to the world? Ask yourself that question in every moment of doubt, hesitation, fear, or perceived failure.
Believe in yourself; it may be one of the most radical things you’ll ever do.