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Never Fear, Printing Bursaries are Here!
As students continue to grapple with the Faculty’s new exam policy, the administration has stepped in to ensure that the cost of printing no longer constitutes a barrier to students. They have deposited a generous $7.50 per exam course to students. For those keeping track, $7.50 amounts to 50 pages per course. In other words, instead of paying $553.50 to print out the Income Tax Act, tax law students will now only have to pay $546. How revolutionary! One student reportedly fainted from gratitude.
Annual Career Fair Results in Several Networking Overdoses
On Friday, March 21, the Faculty was once again visited by employers from Toronto, New York, and beyond, seeking to promote their firms to bright, young, and impressionable 1Ls. While some students were no doubt able to form some meaningful (LinkedIn) connections, others were unable to network responsibly. It is reported that after speaking with thirty consecutive litigation boutiques, one student was unable to stop repeating the phrase “I love mooting”. Another student allegedly passed out after distributing their resume to every full service firm. Experts have not yet discovered a cure for networking overdoses apart from complete abstinence (from law school and the legal profession as a whole).
Wanted: Literally All of the 3Ls. Seriously, Where Are You?
If you’ve noticed your upper-year courses seem to have fewer and fewer students, you’re not alone. The number of 3Ls attending class dwindles every day, as senioritis incapacitates an increasing number of students. While senioritis is a common condition which typically does not have any long term health consequences, we can’t help but worry about what impact the disease might have on the future of the legal profession. How will our graduates ever learn the intricacies of summary judgment motions if they skip Civil Procedure every. single. week?
Competitive Study Group Recruit Underway
While you may think study groups are an opportunity for collegial exam prep with friends, the reality is that study group formation is a high-stakes operation. As students aspire to exit the P-Train, different study groups are vying for those rare classmates who have actually done the readings. Students who understand federalism and remoteness are especially highly sought after. Did you think it was a coincidence that the girl you’ve never spoken to in a small group approached you to “study together” after learning you got an HH on the constitutional exam? Rumour has it that at least one study group is offering free printing as an incentive to join.
Trade War Hits Faculty of Law
As economic tensions rise between the U.S. and Canada, the Faculty of Law is beginning to feel the effects. As more Canadians aim to buy local, Terima anticipates a marked increase in their supply costs which they will be generously offloading onto impoverished law students. For their part, students desperately in need of caffeine will heroically sacrifice their $1 McDonald’s iced coffee in exchange for a $5 cup of Terima battery acid (erm… coffee) in the name of patriotism.
S.N.A.I.L. Infestation Worsens
While Toronto’s rodent infestation receives ample news coverage, law students are most directly affected by another epidemic: the S.N.A.I.L.S. While S.N.A.I.L.S. are a year-round problem, their numbers reliably spike around exam season as law students fight not only each other but science undergrads for space in the library. While S.N.A.I.L. traps are unfortunately illegal, lawful remedies for S.N.A.I.L. extermination include: pointed glares, not-so-subtle threats to snitch to the librarians, mistakenly spilling coffee only on students learning about the mitochondria, and locking them in the library basement.