Totally real news from the Hasnain & Shackleton Faculty of Law!
2027 New York Recruit Underway
Did you come to U of T with your sights set on the Big Apple? Well 1Ls, your time has come. Rumour has it that the top NYC firms have already begun recruiting for Summer 2027. In fact, sources say that at least one 1L received their offer during their second year of undergrad. We advise scheduling your coffee chats ASAP, lest you be condemned to working in Canada forever.
MCC Introduces New Moot Tryout Process
In response to criticisms about the moot tryout process being both opaque and unduly onerous, the MCC has resolved to implement a new way of doing things. Instead of asking competitive moot hopefuls to prepare submissions on Section 1 of the Charter, students will now be asked to debate one of society’s most contentious questions: Team Conrad or Jeremiah.
Faculty of Law Mystery: What does N.R. stand for?
While the Jackman building has long been a feature of U of T Law, the entire Faculty now bears Jackman’s name. While we now know Jackman’s first name is Henry (I was previously under the impression that we were named after Aussie actor Hugh Jackman), students remain in the dark about what the N.R. stands for. After extensive investigation, the authors have uncovered the answer: New Revenue.
Productivity Skyrockets Following Introduction of NYT Mini Paywall
As dedicated puzzle fans (and procrastinators) are no doubt aware, the New York Times (NYT) recently added a paywall to the popular Mini crossword. Since law students are much too broke (due to U of T’s tuition) to afford a NYT subscription, students can no longer tune out of their lectures by completing the Mini. Forced to listen to Prof. Thorburn’s musings on criminal law, students have come to a startling realization: law is actually interesting (who knew?). Armed with this newfound awareness, students are apparently now actually doing their readings!
U of T Law Re-renamed
As you may have heard, U of T Law recently acquired a new name. However, Intra Vires is pleased to announce that U of T Law is getting a new new name. Following a generous donation of $80,000,002, the school will now be known as the Hasnain, Khan & Shackleton Faculty of Law. It is unknown how Hasnain, Khan and Shackleton acquired the money for this donation. It definitely wasn’t illegal gambling. However, we can assure you that the book store will be holding a clearance sale on both the old merchandise and the not-yet-delivered Henry N.R. Jackman merchandise. Hasnain, Khan and Shackleton just narrowly out-bid Doug Dimmadome, owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadone for the naming rights to the school.
Intra Vires Writer’s Room Getting Cramped
Some would say three writers is too many for one tiny section. To those we say you have no idea how much work it takes to come up with funny headlines . . . plus, there’s nothing else to do in 3L.